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22 July 2005

Comments

ryan

all of what you said is right. sexual roles (top, bottom) are
linked to masculinity, i.e. a man who bottom has to be sexually weak
and a top is sexually aggressive and in charge. Which might be true...

But, I also tend to think that sexuality or what you prefer is so much more fluid and complicated like that. Which is why I think men who are versatile (i.e. are perfectly okay with fucking someone or being fucked) are probably a strong symbol of sexual freedom in a sense.

I'm versatile, and I really don't care if I'm fucking someone or being fucked...I truly do enjoy the sexual gratification I get when I have an orgasm plain and simple..When I'm having sex, I'm only thinking about the end result...cumming or getting facial..or three. :)

I do get why there is this sense of rigidity with "top" and "bottom". But, all that is thrown out of the window when you deal with what individuals want and need and how you really shouldn't always go by physicality (i.e. that massive brotha or guy with the big ass guns and the clearly big dick imprint in his jeans may turn out to be a very aggressive and masculine...BOTTOM.

Lord knows my head was blown
when I would meet someone, who I was clearly hoping would lay some
pipe and fuck me unconscious, wanted me to fuck him senseless. Of
course, Im versatile..so we BOTH got what we want...hehehehe)

And, the whole thing with black men dating white men and how it smacks of rape and colonialism. It does, but why isn't there any discussion about how the simple fact of dating someone white can be construed as "rape and slavery". I mean, your friends say they won't let a white guy fuck them int he ass...but, they do know that their relationship is being seen as a form of "slavery" and "self hate", no?

Instead of talking about rape and colonialism, why not discuss how
interracial relationships are often difficult to maintain because one or both parties haven't worked out their racism and have brought that
baggage to the bedroom...I think that's a more stronger topic to talk about. I know, for me, I do have that discussion or intend to if I date someone who is white.

But, I still think versatility is the best route to go. :)

ameil

how can u all say he considered a sellout when in fact black men and white men have ben screwing 4 years ..also today people act as if its ok 4 black people 2 have sex with white people which i think is nasty but u all ahve made ur bed now lay in it!!! stop complaining about what coler gets the dick..

demetrius

hmmm, i'll be very curious to see where all these comments go topics-wise.

thanks Rod for a thoughtful, enriched piece.

later

merk68

I have been in a same sex interracial relationship going on 7 years. When it comes right down to it I know it is our similar socioeconomic backgrounds and easy going personalities that make it work! We are both stable, employed, professional and don’t self medicate. Every once an a while someone will try to sweat us about our perceived differences. Our families and friends support us, our love and dedication to each other is what is most important. A few strangers with agendas really have no affect on us and shouldn’t. From my own personal experience I wouldn’t really and am not interested of anyone who share the hue of my skin color, too damn boring.

mike

i definitely agree with this article. it's damn near bout time someone finally came to the realization and laid everything on the table. thx for an interesting read man =)

naturalblkluv

I don't think it’s a top or bottom issue, it’s an issues of self-hatred. Its seems to me that there is a segment of brothas who expect other black men to be 15s on a scale of 10 to get their attention. You will hear them whine about there aren't any good black, intelligent, educated, men out there so they will date a white guy who works at block buster and has four roomates. I know you are saying what the flock? But it’s very true; I have seen this happen over and over again. I have asked a few of these brothas, why do you expect so much out of black men and so little out of who you date. They give this lame answer about we ‘just fell in love.’ so it would seem that a successful educated black man, is the equivalent of an average white man. I think this brotha feels as though the average black man isn't worthy of his ass or that he's getting over on poor black scrubs when he fucks them. You see other porn stars such as Bam and Bobby Blake kissing hugging and sucking white stars but in black videos, they are just there to bang call the actors bitches and hoes and go home. I spoke with a retired porn guy years ago and he told me, that in black porn tops are in demand and in white porn dominant muscled tops and muscled bottoms are in demand. So apparently homeboy isn't as masculine to make it as top in white porn and need to give up the ass.

.rod.

Well I'm a bottom, I don't know why I just can't top anyone. I have a stereotyped sexuality, I like macho guys, black guys, I'm 100% botton but why should we care if it matters if you're top or bottom. I mean it's just « useful » to know if you're sexuality compatible with someone, it's no self-hatred issue but just how to describe your sexuality to find the best match you can. I don't care if people call me slut ou bitch because I'm a bottom and like agressive guys. Sometimes I like it though :-) But it's for the sex fun !

ModFab

As a white man who is attracted to all races and ethnicities (including my own), it's mere romantic connection that brought me together with my African-American partner of 13 years. Our sexual life began as very top/bottom, but has changed over the years to an ever-changing versatility on both our parts.

Does this mean that race isn't important in our relationship, or that it doesn't affect our sex? I'd like to hope it doesn't...I love him (and am attracted to him) for who he is.

But I'm not foolish enough to say that our skin colors aren't a part of us. What I will say is that race has never been a factor in our sex life, and it's repugnant to me to go there. Just as I've always thought it was ridiculous for people to be only attracted to one race, it seems equally ridiculous to bring prejudice into the bedroom. We may not be able to escape our history, but we don't have to give it power.

dan

I am a versatile asian guy and I've dated a few blk guys. Even the ones who are versatile usually just want to top me. I am not feminine (and quite muscular actually) but it seems I am deemed not masculine enuf for them and only wants me to bottom. Talk about stereo types we asian men got it the worst.

bluebob

I don't get this whole top and bottom crap. Who cares... Slavery and colonialism? What? I think there is just a bit of too much thinking here.

Frankly, I never understood the whole pride associated with being a top. The gay world sometimes seems so plastic.

If it feels good and its safe, why not go for it. Why must we always toss in "power" or "race"?

Yeah, both are part of life. Sometimes, sex is just sex. Move on.

That said, gay porn is just as racist as Hollywood. Maybe even mores so. MTV has more interracial love going on than most porn, which is usually segregated and stereotypic, not to mention boring. Suck and fuck. No passion. Boring.

This reminds me of a poke at casting I saw on Stargate the other night: An alien human woman Varla meets two of the male leads, Daniel Jackson and Cameron Mitchell. She looks at them and says "Not much genetic variation around here." The joke is that both guys are white, blue-eyed with light brown/blonde hair.

Antonio

I know the boy first hand and his real name so film names are always different, and he is more bottom than top to be sure. But "J" is all about making the money (films, photo shoots etc) so what ever pays . . goes. Personally he is a great guy, sexy and intense in every way . . .

Jarren

Does it matter? When it comes down to it, its the green of the buck and the size of the wad. No pun intended. All he wants is the check and if they offered him enough, I'm sure he'd do more than bottom. . .

Zac

I think this top, bottom, black, white thing has more to do with the gay marketplace of desire. I got that from Dwight A. McBride. He has a very interesting essay on this very subject in the book "Why I hate Abercrombie & Fitch" Essay number 3 "It's a White Mans World"

Audacity

This article was great. The topic of sexuality and pornography and the cyclical effect is one that is not discussed as it should be. I hope the soon-to-be-released book HUNG addresses the topic in the manner it deserves. I think with SGL/MSM men pornography has a huge impact - think about it, often it is the most accessible form of media exposure Black male homosexuality available. I think the lack of intimacy vs. promescuity is connected to this.

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