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18 October 2005

Comments

Donald

Wow, that was some read. Thanks.

I am not a fan of Oprah, I think she is a vulture that picks at the flesh of the weak and then exploits it for personal gain. A fine line exists between her and Jerry Springer.

But when she does a show like this I have backtrack a little bit from my dislike and hope that a service was provided and someone else can be reached.

Tito

Okay Donald. I'm speechless. I actually had to take a moment and think your comment through. My initial reaction is the same. I know we are all entitled to our "opinions", but on which of God's planets do you live? "a vulture that picks at the flesh of the weak and then exploits it for personal gain". Get real. Not at all true. And I can imagine that you would be one of millions to think that. But you are entitled, I guess. And then you link her to Springer. I mean, wow! Come on now. Oprah?? Please.
Maybe you should watch her show a little more often .. and maybe you will become a fan.

Donald

Do a lot of people learn from Oprah? I agree she tries to discuss things that she thinks are important and will help people as well as entertain (the Tom Cruise show).

But the show often exploits people, granted they allow it to happen. Are people really helped by Oprah or are they just made to feel better about their own lives such as "thank god my son was not raped or my breasts are not too big, or even a big girl like me can get a man",etc?

It may be a leap from Oprah to Jerry but it is not that far.

pamalicious

Rod - gotta take this somewhere else :) I will be giving you credit - the most powerful portion was the Psychiastrist (sp). That is where I captured my 'lesson' for the day. About how shame and how silence work in our lives. Formulating a blog around that one (love my new palm where I can speak my ideas to save for later, lol)

ReggieH

Bravo to Laveranues Coles for talking about his abuse and bringing to light something that happens more often in the Black community than most of us want to admit.

Dean

It's interesting that he mentioned that as you stated "the abuse made him question his sexuality" and that as you stated no "questions were asked about the ball player's sex life." I wonder what his sexuality is now? Is he bi? Gay? Straight? I know of a few gay men who were molested by men as children. I wonder if there have been studies on the question of whether and how same sex molestation effects sexual orientation.

TheRevKev

I feel you Dean, because this is a really hard struggle in our community. THE MORE I talk to Gay Black men, the more I hear cats tell me about "their first relationship" when they were 14, 15, 16, 17 and their first "partner/husband/boyfriend" was 29, 33, 42 and we think its sexy, but its abuse. We wail on Donnie McClurkin about his struggle/condemnation with his homosexuality but THE TRUTH is that he was RAPED at 8 and again at 13 by FAMILY! That has to mess with your head and your heart. This brother is SO BRAVE to stand THAT NAKED and say SHAME, HURT, UNWORTHINESS and do so with such a clean heart. Bless him. I think about this EVERYDAY. About the hurt and pain among us that never gets spoken and therefore never healed. I honor his openness and know many who could learn from it and yes, heal from it.

algie

why i do feel for this guy and praise him for being brave and i feel for donnie too but i wasn't molested soooooooooooo and i am tired of straight people implying to me that something happened to me when i was little. that is just crazy for real

david

Oh, I think all black gay men were molested at some point in their childhood. I knew I liked guys before I got molested - I guess the man saw that in me and pounced.

The show was touching and I do think Coles is at least bisexual.

david

Oh, I think most black gay men were molested at some point in their childhood. I knew I liked guys before I got molested - I guess the man saw that in me and pounced (I think I was like 6 or 7)

The show was touching and I do think Coles is at least bisexual.

Mikey D

The truth is most children have been sexually assaulted in some way or fashion. To say the most gay men have been molested is to ignore that our straight brothers have been assaulted as well. Let this episode (which I did not see yet) start a dialogue about child sexual abuse. It's a problem and we need to address it seriously.

Wendell

I applaud Lavernaues Coles for his courage and heart to open up in front of millions and free his spirit of this deep seeded secret. However I am very annoyed at some of the comments that I have read on here. Oprah is not pining away at peoples weaknesses but she is strengthening folk by exposing the devil for who he is and has been for so long in our lives. She is helping people to realize the potentials of success they have living inside of them that needs to come out to make them who they really are. She sometimes does more than most preachers should be doing. All gay black men have not been molested or raped.. That is a lie.. some have but a vast majority just chose to give into what they wanted... I don't like when folk lump everyone into a group because of what happened to them.. I feel for anyone that has experienced any kind of abuse.. But one abuse does not determine everyone in the same.... I am praying that God would do the healing for all that have been abused and that more people like Oprah will be ressurected to help people face truth rather than hide it and blame everyone for their discomfort.

Wendell

I applaud Lavernaues Coles for his courage and heart to open up in front of millions and free his spirit of this deep seeded secret. However I am very annoyed at some of the comments that I have read on here. Oprah is not pining away at peoples weaknesses but she is strengthening folk by exposing the devil for who he is and has been for so long in our lives. She is helping people to realize the potentials of success they have living inside of them that needs to come out to make them who they really are. She sometimes does more than most preachers should be doing. All gay black men have not been molested or raped.. That is a lie.. some have but a vast majority just chose to give into what they wanted... I don't like when folk lump everyone into a group because of what happened to them.. I feel for anyone that has experienced any kind of abuse.. But one abuse does not determine everyone in the same.... I am praying that God would do the healing for all that have been abused and that more people like Oprah will be ressurected to help people face truth rather than hide it and blame everyone for their discomfort.

naturalblkluv

As a blk man in today's society of outing people left in right who choose not to disclose who they choose to have sex with, its best that he control how and where his story is told.

LC didn't hop up on day and decide to go on O. it’s thru his management and publicist approval. There is some negative story in the work and this is a preemptive strike. Think about it, blk man with no girl friend in a macho job and he's giving you a reason why he is not married nor have a girl friend, when he is in the prime of his life.

Chuck

I usually don't comment on things I read on the internet, but I had to say something about this one. Your first couple of comments are typical of what goes on in theBlack community. Blacks putting one another down when they reach a certain degree of success in life. Why do we do things like that? Many years I just sat and watch, the other race don't have to destroy us, we do good enough job ourselves.

Pmist

Sup Room.. I like a lot of us in here dont really comment on these topics, however this story is an exception. This story is horrible for many reasons. One reason is that any ADULT MAN pushing up on a CHILD is horrble and that man needed to be placed under the jail. Im serious, this story made me wanna cry. Another reason is that people are on this thread questioning the mans sexuality when they need to be more concerned with the man's mental state. LC was right when he said he wasnt allowed to explore who he was sexually and I believe that was wrong also.

I am proud of him for making this public. While it may be true he might be trying to beat a bad story, it is NOT MY PLACE to question him on this and it is not anyones else either. I hope this man is able to find peace in his life because no one should have to go through life like this..

Chango

The comments by Donald were irreprehensible. It is clear that Oprah represents something that he feels he is missing in his life. Instead of repairing and healing what needs to be done, he attacks a person outside of his life who can't fight back.

I was watching this show when I was at the gym. The sound was not on and I didn't have my radio with me to get the audio portion. My reaction was his outfit didn't work. He needed a Queer eye makeover, especially if he is going to be on national tv.

Reading the Rod's article about the show and the intelligent comments here about it, I wonder what it is we can do to divorce pedophilia from the issues that gay people have to deal with? A pedophiliac is not gay, yet it is perceived as being a gay trait by the public. Young girls are raped and murdered by men and heterosexulity is not brought into quesion, yet if a pedophiliac male screws boys, the whole gay community and "life style" is brought into a judgmental spotlight.

I was never abused by adults when I was growing up. I did more than my fair share of screwing my fellow classmates, but older men were not part of the picture and if they had been, it would not have been wise for them. I was raised in a small town and people in small towns talk about each other's business and there were guns in my home.

Why did he choose at this time to go on Oprah to talk about this? There are motivating reasons that will cum to light, just you wait.

There is also a stigma in our society that men who play professional sports are Real Men, Real Heterosexual Men who don't have problems and whose solo purpose in life is winning. They are akin to soldiers in a war. Play Heros in the game of life. When they are victimized, they are viewed as being less than the heros we built them up to be.

Those big bling-bling ear studs he was wearing and I've seen on some colored men, do not work!

Brian

I was just flipping the channels and to my surprise I seen this a recognizable athelete. Then when I heard he was sexually molested, my jaw dropped. As time went on , everything he was saying, was true and it reminded me of what has happened to me , and why I am the person today. I was looking at myself on the program. It hurts .

Jason

I feel for the football player and I appreciate his courage to tell his story, but that topic aside.......Can someone please tell me why any gay or bisexual black man is still watching Oprah? I stopped watching her the day she discussed "the down-low" with author J.L. King. That day, she sent the message that the rise of HIV/AIDS among black women is solely due to the sex practices of men of the DL. She did not discuss the importance of getting tested regularly and practicing safe sex regardless of who your partner is. She did not discuss the fact that the virus is also transmitted through heterosexual sex practices. The message she sent was clear - Ladies, if your man is having or has had sex with men, you're at risk for the virus, but if he is straight, you don't have to worry." I don't think so. If a man cheated on you and gave you the virus, he is an unfaithful asshole,WHETHER HE CHEATED WITH A MAN OR A WOMAN. Also, she talked about men on the DL in regard to their sex practices, but she failed to discuss the reasons WHY black men feel the need to be on the DL. such as the intolerant and homophobic attitudes of the black church. oh nooooooooo none of that was discussed. Her show is a horrible excuse for journalism. The damage she did to the already negative image of black gay/bi men in the eyes of black women and the general public cannot be repaired, especially because most think of her as a credible source of info. Well, I absolutely refuse to help her ratings grow, and I cannot understand why more of us do not feel this way.

dromdaq

We should applaud his courage regardless of the motivation, yes his sexuality has been questioned in the past not many will get before the public and share their life secrets if you watched he was visibly nervous and shakened. Since I have met LC he has a big and outgoing personalitywhich wasn't evident on the show. He also is having one of the best years of his career now that he is back with the Jets

andy

A few things are brewing in my mind as I read most of these comments..Firstly, people are so concerned or hungry about this man's sexuality. That seems to be a prelevant thing among gay and bi-sexual men..they want everyone or hope that everyone else is the same way. The issue with Coles should not be about his sexuality, but his ordeal, but it's more important as to who he prefers to sleep with. Secondly, Oprah should not be blamed or praise for other people coming out and publicly making their lives known to the entire country. Personally, I would never ever do it, but if a man or woman chooses to get up on national television and subject themselves to the questions and scrutiny, then they themselves should be praised or chastised for it. If a man goes out to a bar and drinks himself stupid into total drunkiness, we don't blame the bar owner or the bar tender, we say that the man was responsible for his own actions. Let's face it, in many cases, (whether Oprah, Springer, Montel, Barbara Walters, Regis and Kelly, CNN or whatever media that individuals choose to divulge their personal issues), no one is forced to do anything; and audiences (America especially) tend to look up to these media figures and put them on this high place as if they are some vessel of councel or healing, when all they are really, is just a newspaper with a face.

nyjets1001

I think he did a good job and telling what happen to him. It helps other who's been in type of thing. By a famous person telling deep sercerts it helps people like us come out and tell what happen to us. We all need someone to look up to. This others to come and what happen to them.

huhotboi

Stated earlier:

"Those big bling-bling ear studs he was wearing and I've seen on some colored men, do not work!"

Fail to see what this has to do with the topic at hand and trust me they are doing wonders for him.

But anyway...I didnt see the show but I know a number of people who've been molested when they were young- males, females, that were molested by males and females. It is a sickness that rarely has anything to do with sex and more with power. Its extremely mental and the damage it causes is passed on to the victims. I myself was asked by my mother had I been molested by someone growing up
when I told her about my sexuality, and I can tell it was hard for her to believe that I was not. Now my brother on the other hand, who is straight, had been molested by a babysitter, a woman, when he was eight so that may have been the reason why she asked but I doubt it. I applaud him (Lavernues) for being open on the subject because its a topic that needs to be talked about especially in OUR community. If parents arent talking to their kids about it they need to because it can happen to ANYONE. If we as black people continue to be silent about a lot of the problems plaging the community there is no way that we will overcome and these issues will surely be passed on from generation to generation.
And to the brother who wonders why gay and bisexual men are still watching Oprah. Its because after seeing that episode with J.L. King you realize that Oprah is and will forever be on this earth--HUMAN. She is not the end all and be all when it comes to journalism. We have to educate each other(Oprah included) about why the HIV virus is spreading and what are the preventive measures that can be taken to stop it. What you got to understand is that a lot of black women are ANGRY (Oprah included) about the statistics out there about the rise of HIV in black woman. And from that anger came backlash against homosexuals and bisexuals and black men in general. I feel if anything it made the situation worse because one person was used to "shed light" on the situation and J.L. was the WRONG ONE. To sum it all up there are TOO MANY issues in the black community that have been taboo too long and its time to start creating a dialogue and outlets for these issues. ASAP.

Jeff Smith

I totally applaud Mr. Cole for this very personal admission. I am certain it will generate a lot of discussion within the African-American community. More importantly I believe his admission will help someone with a similar history. There is a lot of healing that will go one for Mr. Cole and his family and even more healing for those who have yet to get to this point of self-admittance of the issues that they hide in their daily lives.

Yes, I am a homosexual and no I was not raped by anyone. I understood very early in my life that I was sexually attracted to males. I also realize there were older men who tried to explore and exploit my desires but thanks to some very caring relatives I was never raped, molested or abused.

I am glad that the issue of his sexual orientation was not discussed. Although I wondered for personal reasons I realized it could only help confuse the fact that an older adult violated him. It doesn't matter if he is straight, gay, or exhibited signs of homosexuality before the rape the adult was wrong. Thank god the police officer was able to recognize the signs and realize his behavior was sympathematic of a deeper problem.

As an African-American Male raised by two loving and supportive parents in a inner city environment (Chicago's Westside) most of my life I feared anyone would ever find out that I sexually desired men. I have only come out to my immediate family members. I could only imagine the kind of courage Mr. Cole had to muster to make such a public admission. Furthermore he is still an active NFL player and will probably be subjected to more abuse and rejection from the narrow-minded bigots that play and watch the sport.

In addition, I believe big kudos is deserved for Ms. Winfrey for providing an outlet for this disclosure. I realize the New York Times of which I subscribe originally reported the story. Yet me the all knowing one of all things gay and secretly desiring an opportunity to fuck half the NBA, NFL, and almost any other hot athlete missed that story. I have to admit Mr. Cole is my kind of guy. I originally desired him when he played for the Redskins. I was not aware of this story until Ms. Winfrey reported it.

I am truly proud of Mr. Cole and his public admission. If only more of you could be this forthright, truthful and honest.

David

My mom told me about the Oprah show,but I didn't get to see it and this is the first I'm reading about it today. My concern is that people will equate molestation with homosexuality. Those lines aren't kept clear in the black community. As a molestation survivor, I had to come to the realization that I was gay because that's what God created me to be, not because some sick man used me for his pleasure and made me that way. I'm proud of Mr. Coles for exposing the truth behind this painful reality, but I'm afraid people will not grasp the full import of what he said and what it really means.

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