We're not the biggest fans of Desperate Housewives, but the additions of Alfre Woodard and Mehcad "Me Love You Longtime" Brooks give us something to look forward to. We're kinda-sorta watching the show, fast forwarding through the Susan-Zack yawn fest and the trials of Lynette the Supermom. But we're totally loving the melodramatic, southern Gothic storyline involving the Applewhites; unfortunately, the producers are teasing us and spoon-feeding the drama. That's just as well—too much and we'd have nothing to look forward to.
So ... Betty wants Caleb to repent for Melanie's murder. Caleb isn't sorry. He escapes from the basement dungeon in search of ice cream. More Mehcad in tank tops. That skank Danielle Van de Kamp makes a pass at him. And poor Gabrielle surprised Caleb and .. well, it's all about the Dolce & Gabbana dress and the Haagen-Dazs, right?
Betty (Alfre) and pecalicious Matthew (Mehcad) visit Caleb in the cellar. Betty brings a bowl of delicious looking vanilla ice cream, which seems too small a portion for such a big guy. Matthew brings something else.
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you really happy to see me?
Nice view of the butt, but the clothes are too baggy. Wardrobe: Can we work on this?
Betty wants to talk about Melanie, whom we're lead to believe was killed by Caleb.
It breaks my heart to keep you down here like this. But I can't let you out until I am positive that you won't hurt anyone else again.
Caleb is unrepentant.
She was bad, she deserved it.
Okay, well that didn't go so well. "You know what I have to do," Betty says as she walks out.
She takes the ice cream with her. Beoytch!
Caleb becomes enraged. Maybe he was looking forward to some smooth Dulce de Leche, maybe he is just tired of being chained.
The more he pulls on his chains, the more they loosen. Eventually, Caleb escapes.
Matthew and mom discover that he's gone. Here's a more pecalicious shot:
They run outside. The Applewhite Search & Rescue party resumes in the morning.
There's a really cute intrigue as Betty distracts Bree. "I desperately need your help!" They talk hydrangeas.
Bree's secret: "I only use fresh horse manure. I have it delivered every week." That's why the flowers are so large! We thought those were papier mâchè props. But if you say they're real ...
Look in the background, you see Matthew stalking along the driveway.
Matthew snoops around the backyard and guess who surprises him ....
That skank Danielle. Yes, beoytch: He is looking for Rod.
Matthew doesn't admit that he's looking for us yet. He says (ahem) .,. that he's looking for her. Let's see him again, he's looking quite fab and pecalicious.
WOW.
Danielle says that if he wanted a date, she'd say yes. Of course she would. Who wouldn't? We were wondering when one of the Wisteria bitches would step to our man. Didn't you think that Edie would be first?
This girl gets really out of hand. She leans over and wiggles her bony azz to Matthew. We'll deal with Miss Danielle later.
Mom: "That was a waste of time."
Matthew, smiling: "Pretty much."
What happened? Did he agree to take her out or not? Oh you're a good one, Marc Cherry.
Fast forward to Gabrielle coming home in her too-tight-blue D&G number. She notices the refrigerator door open and spies an empty bowl that had ice cream in it. Footsteps approach and she sees Caleb approaching.
Gabrielle tries to get away but cannot because her dress is too tight.
She falls to the bottom, Caleb looms over her, and then steps away.
The police and EMS arrive. Bree helps Gabrielle into the ambulance and hands her a print of the sonogram. So will she lose the baby?
The producers have been alternating weeks with this storyline so we may not see anything next week. Lessons learned:
Squeezing into a Size 0 when you're really a Size 1 can be hazardous to your health; If you're holding anyone captive, do not deny them their treats.
Thanks Jimmy for capturing a scene that we missed.
Rod
If you keep this up. I'll just wait for your blog and skip the tired show. Just promise more shots of Mehcad's chest
Posted by: Michael | 14 November 2005 at 05:37
Soooo it still ends up being about a black man looming over a helpless white woman in pumps that should have been put away it's November already and a too tight dress. Tsk Tsk Tsk. Well I hope he keeps running since he got fired, lol lol Which is quite ironic - - to say the least.
I haven't watched an episode and I don't intend to but I will visit the recaps, lol
Posted by: pamela | 14 November 2005 at 07:17
I'm sorry but as nice as homeboy's pecs are (and I do mean scrumdiddliumptious) this storyline just doesn't hold the same level of interest for me as the ones in the past. If they somehow found a better way to tie the Caleb Mystery into the other storylines, it'd be more interesting. But as an isolated storyline, it's the worst.
And what happened to Bree's daughter? When did she become a high-heel-wearing cig-smoking skank overnight? Did I miss something?
Posted by: nOva | 14 November 2005 at 09:42
Well that was the last episode with PAGE KENNEDY as CALEB. Funny...it's the first time we hear him talk too. I wonder if the they later scenes with Gabriel showing a shadowy face were shot that way because of that.I heard Kennedy got fired for INDECENT EXPOSURE. now he has a body on him too...nothing he exposed could be considered INDECENT as far as I am concerned....lol.
Posted by: PEEKABOO | 14 November 2005 at 10:10
Mechad, hot--be it resolved. But why oh why oh why does the hailed (and self-congratulatory) arrival of Black Folk to Wisteria Lane have to involve a story line with The Big Scary Black Man (who also happens to be Developmentally Challenged) Has To Be Chained in the Basement? Why does the family of color have to Bring Danger to the Sub(conscious)Burbs? Marc Cherry have you lost your damn mind? Why not have Matthew tap-dance while Betty offers the neighborhood her special family reciped for barbecue ribs? Regardless of how the narrative may play out, I don't see how this can avoid pushing the oldest, most tired buttons in the American Mind.
Posted by: Andrew in Seattle | 14 November 2005 at 10:39
Amen to Andrew, and thank you Rod for the recaps. I'm deleting DH from my TiVo Season Pass; i'll just get my pec pics here and skip all the Dangerous Black Man crap they're apparently about to provide.
Posted by: malik | 14 November 2005 at 12:06
Can we stop seeing race into everything? The role wasn't even originally written for a black family... But the producers gave it to Alfre because SHE said she wanted it.
And tho the guy who is playing Caleb is fired...did anyone see his replacement on Extra (or one of those entertainment news shows)... Mechad may be gettinig a lil challenge for "Hot black guy on Wysteria Lane".
Posted by: WundaJigga | 14 November 2005 at 12:39
I'm not big fan either. I come for the Bre and stay for the Mechad. Interesting to see how those worlds are about to intersect with her daughter understanble interest in him.
I was indignant for a moment. However I was offended more as a big man than as a black man. Why in the hell do we always have to mentally challenged dolts? I blame it on Steinbeck. Damn Lenny.
I got over my anger, realizing that if anyone should be offended it should be nebbish could-be closet case pharmicists. That George is not painting any of them in a good light. Poor Dr. Goldfine. RIP.
Posted by: luvsupreme2k4 | 14 November 2005 at 14:27
Mehcah is HOTT! Keep the pics coming!
Posted by: Dwayne Wayne | 14 November 2005 at 16:37
Andrew we are so on the same page...I'm really pissed about that myself....but the more outragous scenario is that MR PECS is the murderer...I happened to catch the tail end of hte show and he meets up with her late nite...I hope he don't end up bein a rapist...I would really have to write the producers FOR REAL. Now that crazy ass Rx Doc, is off the chain...THATS who i'm trippin off of...lol...i was on the floor when I realized he was about to kill Bre' Shrink...lol...and when ole girl came to tell her that dude was a wack job...and Bre ain't too far from it either...but she brought it too him...I think chick might be next...lol...and I hope she don't take that ring off again...lol.
Posted by: Tony | 22 November 2005 at 20:57
I've tried looking at the show, for Alfre Woodard and Mechad Brook, but it takes so long before you see either of them. The other portions of the show are a little boring, if you ask me.
Mehcad is just, whew! Just fine. He's one of my top... what, 10, 20?
-Dex
Posted by: Dexter | 19 January 2006 at 21:23