We're not the biggest fans of Desperate Housewives, but the additions of Alfre Woodard and Mehcad "Me Love You Longtime" Brooks give us something to look forward to. We're kinda-sorta watching the show, fast forwarding through the Susan-Zack yawn fest and the trials of Lynette the Supermom. But we're totally loving the melodramatic, southern Gothic storyline involving the Applewhites; unfortunately, the producers are teasing us and spoon-feeding the drama. That's just as well—too much and we'd have nothing to look forward to.
So ... Betty wants Caleb to repent for Melanie's murder. Caleb isn't sorry. He escapes from the basement dungeon in search of ice cream. More Mehcad in tank tops. That skank Danielle Van de Kamp makes a pass at him. And poor Gabrielle surprised Caleb and .. well, it's all about the Dolce & Gabbana dress and the Haagen-Dazs, right?
Betty (Alfre) and pecalicious Matthew (Mehcad) visit Caleb in the cellar. Betty brings a bowl of delicious looking vanilla ice cream, which seems too small a portion for such a big guy. Matthew brings something else.
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you really happy to see me?
Nice view of the butt, but the clothes are too baggy. Wardrobe: Can we work on this?
Betty wants to talk about Melanie, whom we're lead to believe was killed by Caleb.
It breaks my heart to keep you down here like this. But I can't let you out until I am positive that you won't hurt anyone else again.
Caleb is unrepentant.
She was bad, she deserved it.
Okay, well that didn't go so well. "You know what I have to do," Betty says as she walks out.
She takes the ice cream with her. Beoytch!
Caleb becomes enraged. Maybe he was looking forward to some smooth Dulce de Leche, maybe he is just tired of being chained.
The more he pulls on his chains, the more they loosen. Eventually, Caleb escapes.
Matthew and mom discover that he's gone. Here's a more pecalicious shot:
They run outside. The Applewhite Search & Rescue party resumes in the morning.
There's a really cute intrigue as Betty distracts Bree. "I desperately need your help!" They talk hydrangeas.
Bree's secret: "I only use fresh horse manure. I have it delivered every week." That's why the flowers are so large! We thought those were papier mâchè props. But if you say they're real ...
Look in the background, you see Matthew stalking along the driveway.
Matthew snoops around the backyard and guess who surprises him ....
That skank Danielle. Yes, beoytch: He is looking for Rod.
Matthew doesn't admit that he's looking for us yet. He says (ahem) .,. that he's looking for her. Let's see him again, he's looking quite fab and pecalicious.
Danielle says that if he wanted a date, she'd say yes. Of course she would. Who wouldn't? We were wondering when one of the Wisteria bitches would step to our man. Didn't you think that Edie would be first?
This girl gets really out of hand. She leans over and wiggles her bony azz to Matthew. We'll deal with Miss Danielle later.
Mom: "That was a waste of time."
Matthew, smiling: "Pretty much."
What happened? Did he agree to take her out or not? Oh you're a good one, Marc Cherry.
Fast forward to Gabrielle coming home in her too-tight-blue D&G number. She notices the refrigerator door open and spies an empty bowl that had ice cream in it. Footsteps approach and she sees Caleb approaching.
Gabrielle tries to get away but cannot because her dress is too tight.
She falls to the bottom, Caleb looms over her, and then steps away.
The police and EMS arrive. Bree helps Gabrielle into the ambulance and hands her a print of the sonogram. So will she lose the baby?
The producers have been alternating weeks with this storyline so we may not see anything next week. Lessons learned:Squeezing into a Size 0 when you're really a Size 1 can be hazardous to your health; If you're holding anyone captive, do not deny them their treats.
Thanks Jimmy for capturing a scene that we missed.