X-Rated Secret

We're just a tad late with this one, but sometimes better late than never. On Wednesday, Grammy Award-winning gospel singer Kirk Franklin appeared on Oprah to come clean about his double life in an interesting show on pornography addiction. The intro was fairly straightforward and not too sensational—"40 million people regularly visit porn sites, mostly men. ... It's affecting relationships, more men than women, of course, families and possibly you.

This was a great show. It was strong, powerful, and compelling. The show didn't condemn porn or people who read, watch or look at the images. But after watching the show, it was obvious that the celebrated gospel singer had a problem, often devoting up to eight hours a day watching porn and withdrawing from his wife, friends, and family. Thankfully, Oprah and the producers chose not to sugarcoat Kirk his story: "It's always a shock when someone famous is caught living a lie," she said, introducing her first guest. "Kirk Franklin has three Grammy Awards and twenty number one hits. He was once voted by People magazine as one of the sexiest men alive. He and his wife Tammy have 4 beautiful children and live outside Dallas. But he's been living a lie."

Video clip TBA.

More on Kirk Franklin's story below.

"I spent many years feeling like a hypocrite, like a fake," the multi-talented gospel singer began. He admitted to being consumed with pornography for almost the past thirty years. The duration may seem awfully long, but Kirk said that his obsession began quite early in life. "Since I was 8 years old. Everybody has that friend who has that uncle or big brother with that stash of porn under his bed. From my first look I was hooked."

Some of you may tease, but, we're actually starting to come 'round the Oprah bandwagon. She was very sensitive. "Isn't looking at porn or Playboy a rite of passage for young men?"

Kirk agreed: "That's the danger. Plus, coming from a broken home, there were a lot of insecurities and low self esteem, I looked at magazines for the fantasy."

The Gospel singer said that his obsession started to escalate into his teen years, which, ironically, was around the time that he became active in the church. "I started playing the piano when I was 11 and was about 14 years old when I discovered sex. I would have sex with several women and still want to watch porn." He recalls going to his reverend for help. "I was about 15 years old and told my pastor that I wanted to live right. I am struggling with sex and pornography." Kirk said that his pastor said that it was a phase. "He said, 'Oh boy, you are young, you will grow out of it.' But I didn't, I grew into it."

The singer said that at the height of his addiction, he looked at porn daily, up to seven or eight hours at a time. Then, he tried to recreate the fantasies with many women. "What made it worst was making the type of music that I made."

Oprah: Would it affect how you treated women?

Kirk: One was feeding the other. The more pornography, the more sex with girls, it was never ending cycle.

Kirk said that in the neighborhood where he grew up, and with the friends that he had, "it was totally accepted by men. I never saw a man faithful to his wife. Even in the church growing up, I never saw that type of commitment."

This was interesting to watch, it was like a televised 12-step meeting. You never know who you can find identification with. Personally, we come from a similar family and neighborhood structure, and he's right; often in the absence or supervision and motivation, little boys are left to their own devices. One of our own very good friends is battling sex- and porn-addiction, and some of us within the community tend to downplay the significance.

One minor issue: a sex addiction expert was not introduced until much later in the show, during the second personal story. We would have liked just a little input from an expert in the special audience, even if it were just a brief affirmation or explanation. But from a (former talk show) television producer's POV, you never want to interrupt momentum.

Kirk's beautiful wife Tammy was introduced in segment three. Tammy said that Kirk had recently confessed his secret. She had no idea—it's fairly common for porn- or sex-addicts (actually, for most addicts) to lead a double life. "He came and told me one day in Los Angeles. He sat me down and said 'Babe, I want to talk to you about a problem that I've been struggling with.' "

Even though this was a show about pornography, Oprah, Kirk and Tammy were somewhat uncomfortable talking about sex. "Porn" was only discussed clinically—we got the impression that Kirk liked magazines and movies, never used the internet and liked to watch porn while having sex. No one really talked about sex per se; after some probing, Franklin only hinted that he j/o'd while watching porn. (Which is standard operating procedure, right?) But the message wasn't lost, the show's topic was sensational but the show itself was not.

Oprah: My producers say that you told them ... his sexual expectations of you were somewhat unrealistic.

Tammy: Yes, definitely. He wanted to do ... lots of things.

Kirk Franklin said that he thought marriage would help him, but it made his obsession grow even stronger. "About six months into the marriage, I tried to bring [porn] into the bedroom. Trying to watch it with her, trying to make her like these video girls. Those video girls are performers. Marriage is not a performance." Eventually, he began sneaking out of the house late at night in search of more porn. Video clip here of Kirk admitting that he often fantasizes about other women.

Like many recovering addicts, he had to hit a low before recognizing the problem. The gospel singer said that his moment of clarity was one night after taking boxes—yes, boxes—of porn to a local dump to trash them. Later that night he was strongly craving a fix. Kirk said that he drove back to the dump, wearing only a bathrobe and his boxers, and went through the garbage to find his porn stash. If we weren't convinced before, that definitely sounds like an addict.

Kirk Franklin said that after admitting his problem to his wife, they've been working it out. They stay in phone contact when he's traveling, he's in counseling, and, like most addictions, the fight is day-by-day. "I've had my relapses, but it's behind me now." We love recovery topics and this was a great show—strong, inspirational and entertaining.

Comments

[L]

Was it really porn that he was running out for late at night? Or was this just a televised cover? We all have our issues, but very rarely is someone willing to put their WORST on blast with no provocation. I find it strange how quick, easy, and completely unprovoked this was offered up by Frank. He's quite known for gazing at the boys and i've been a personal witness/object. Things that make you go hmmm....

[david]

Yes, Kirk belongs to the "I was gay but I am now converted" group. Besides the rumors, he hints at his homosexual past in his biography (I think it's titled "Church Boy").

Given what we know about choir boys in the black community, should we expect less?

[Dray]

Now,now people we all have (porn)stash some where ,but now that it's out the girls(gay bois)will now say all kinda stuff.You have to say that Kirk is handsome ,but from watching the show and his ways Kirk is a undercover gay man and Tammy might know it but won't say anything about it and I don't blame her , why leave with four kids and all that money lol lol lol u heard me .

[JX]

He forgot to mention he was looking at the men.

[Adrian]

I think it was a very big step for Kirk Franklin to admit his addiction and this is also great in showing the black church that the people in the church is just that, PEOPLE, and nobody is perfect. Maybe by seeing somebody famous like Kirk Franklin is not so perfect. I kinda knew something was up the other month when he was interviewed on a BET show for "Looking For You" and he made several comments like he could not see how some of the preachers of the black mega churches did not socialize with the members or even talk to them after the service to thank them for coming, see how any of the members was doing physically or mentally. He said the church has failed the people in its teachings, etc It was very interesting as well. Hopefully he will not be shunned in the black churches like they have wrongfully done many gays. LOL everybody

[wendell martin]

In order to get over an addiction one must first admitte there is a problem; Kirk has done that. I still feel there is an under line issue that he's yet to bring to the table.

[KenfromIDAHO]

Kirk has been mentioning this particular addiction while doing his rounds on Christian Broadcast TV. On one hand it makes him more honest to the people he is trying to reach in ministry, but on the other, folks still have to question who or what is still being kept hidden. For those of you in the Philly area, I’ve only heard how notorious the Penn Races were, and how Jon Drummond was a part of that scene. Jon and Kirk are VERY close. Not to mention if you catch videos of him with the DFW Mass Choir before he really hit it big with Kirk Franklin & The Family, you have to wonder about the thugish image he portrayed after making the MONEY!!

[Dante']

Wow, great article Rod. I give you your props big time buddy. Horray.
I was wondering if you had forgot about this episode.

I'm going to respond to this a little different from the other comments. I think that Kirk, of course like us all, didnt wanan air the juicy stuff. There are somethings a man should keep in the private. I just dont understand how Tammy, being so "strong" like she painted herself to be, didn't mention the word "divorce" or seperation. She supported him throughout all this madness. Why is that? If Kirk had no money or no title, would she be just as faithful? Let's be realistic for a second, R. Kelly and Kobe's wife remained with him...so is this really about love or about making it?

And as for the bruhs that brought up the DFW/GMWA/Jon Drummond days...shame on you...lol

Another take on this can be found at: http://www.prayzehymn.blogspot.com. Interesting commentary.

[lawrence jones]

i think everyone has their skeletons know matter who you are, its just i think alot of the times people who are famous or who are religious figures are some how put into an above category that makes them perfect in comparison with the rest of. On that same note oprah seems to have a habit of creating controversy, and her "followers." believing all her doctrine like that dl guy. The fact that hes on tv telling people hes dl makes him not dl, and she scared countless woman worrying who was gay, as opposed to the fact their are dogs out that just cant be faithful to anyone,and that they should be careful with all men be it gay bi or straight....but thats my opinion

[Tony]

What was disturbing about this was the way that Kirk seems to think he will beat it by using his wife as his counselor or sponser. As a man in recovery myself I am concerned that he is heading for another relapse, and the marriage it's demise. I hope he figures out that he belongs in therapy and maybe a 12 step program or two, and should be calling his sponsor and not his wife when he is in trouble. It struck me as being a co-dependent type of relationship, and in my experience that doesn't support real recovery. Even though he was going public about this issue, it still kinda felt like he was hiding behind her.
I do believe that addiction is a spiritual disease, but I dont think that his brand of Christianity is going to truly address the full nature of addiction.

[naturalblkluv]

AS A FRIEND OF MINE SAID, SOMEHING IS A BOUT TO COME OUT, BECAUSE THIS WASNT SOMETHING YOU BRING TO THE PUBLIC. ALSO, THE MAKE-UP HE HAD ON THE SHOW AND IN HIS VIDEO IS OVER THE TOP. SOMEONE PLS TELL HIM AND LIL RICHARD, ENUFF WITH THE PANCAKE # 39. LOL

YOU KNOW HIS TALK ABOUT PORN WAS SO GENERIC, STR8 MEN DONT TALK ABOUT PORN SO GENERIC, THEY GOT FAVORITE MAGS, ACTRESS, VIDEO COMPANIES, SO I THINK THE PORN MIGHT HAVE BEEN HOMO. ALSO HE WAITED SO LONG TO MENTION IT WAS STR8 PORN, IT WAS BECOMING WEIRD.

[my truth]

I think this had to be very tough and empowering for him. Going by the stats, many ppl are strugglin' with this and for him to come out and say I had this problem and I overcame it is awesome. I think it's ashame that some ppl are on here ever so subtly bashing him and looking for something to tear him down with (out of all the positive things, ppl like us have to find something negative to say). This is why stories like his aren't told and many ppl think they are the only ones strugglin' with something. Hopefully, someone was encourage by his story.

[IDiop]

I saw the episode and got the uneasy feeling that Kirk was hiding more than he was saying. It reminded me of Donnie McClurkin's post-abuse, recovering-gay story. Although he has a wife and several kids, Kirk strikes me as gay or bi-sexual. I do believe he's hiding behind his wife and faith to make his experience a story a personal triumph. Like McClurkin, Kirk may be supressing the urge to engage in homosexual acts, because they believe it's contrary to Christianity. I also agree with the previous individuals who commented that Kirk is bound for more clamity with his addiction if he doesn't seek help or a support group. God bless him.

[Mike]

I applaud his strength to step forward. I do think that there are a lot of men and some women that have a problem with porn. My 14 year old brother had a problem with computer porn that when it became noticed by the rest of his family was truly shocking. Kirk should be praised for talking about it and not stuffing it away. I'd rather take him at his work than waste time on other speculation about his personal life. Whether he is gay, bi or whatever isn't my business. Wake up! He is calling attention to a growing problem in this country and especially in the Black community. Kids can get porn much too easily. That is the issue.

[HERBIE]

I THINK WHEN YOU ARE IN POSTION LIKE THAT INDUSTRY WISE. ESP WITH IT BEING GOSPEL , HE SHOULD OF ALLOWED GOD TO HEAL HIM OF HIS SECRET FAULTS AND WE ALL HAVE THEM . DONT GET ME WRONG CONFESSIONS IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL BUT, SOME THINGS PEOPLE/ NOW DAYS ARENT SPIRTUAL ENOUGH. DO TO WEAK LEADERSHIP NATIONWISE. OH YES I SAID IT . LOL WE MUST CONSIDER HOW PEOPLE VIEW US , KIRK I BELIEVE IS GAY FROM THE GET GO ~! BUT GOD CAN DELIVER EVEN GAY FOLKS , HE LOVES US ALL HE MAY NOT LIKE WHAT WE DO , EVEN A PROSITUTE CAN BE BE FORGIVEN.THE KEY IS WE GOTTA WANNA BE FREE!
LOL BELIEVE IT OR NOT SOMETHINGS, WE DO BECUZ WE DONT PRAY LIKE WE SHOULD.. NOR FAST- THAT ALLOWS GOD TO TOUCH ARE MINDS WHERE WE CAN PRACTICE SELF DISPLINE WHICH SHOULD ALLOW ARE MORALS TO GLOW ! THE HOMO SEXUAL AND STRAIGHT WORLD IS SO BAD NOW TILL LOVE AND COMMITTMENT IS A JOKE. TO WHATS SHOULD BE RIGHT !!!!! SO HE FELL SHORT /BOTTOM LINE IF WE ALL DONT GET SAVED SANTIFIED AND FILLED HELL IS WHERE WE GONE WAKE UP SCREAMING WHEN ITS ALL OVER . THOSE HURRICANES SHOULD OF SPOKE TO US. GOD IS GETTING TIRED BUT FOLKS ARENT GETTING BETTER THEY ARE GETTIN WORSE RAPEING FOLKS AFTER A DISASTER LIKE THAT. I DO HOLD THE CHURCH ACCOUNTABLE FOR ALOT OF WEAKNESS BUT I ALSO HOLD EACH INDIVUDUAL FOR BEING SO GUILABLE NOT TO SEEK GOD FOR THEMSELVES!YOU CANT BUY WHATS FREE . YOU GOTTA DENY YOUR FLESH SISTA'S AN BROTHAS . WHEN ITS ALLOVER THE BODY IS NEVER SATISFIED ANYWAYS. SO WHY NOT WORK ON THE SPIRIT!!!!

[Prophet Mike]

U aint seen nothing yet. Wait until the entire veil of deciet, greed, manipulation, and hypocrosy is ripped off the shoulders of the black church, then we wil all cleaerly see that sexuality is a human issue, not a Godly one, and that all flesh can be alive in the presence of God.

[Nigel]

leave the man alone i wish everyboddy mind their own business none of us are GOD we are all human let GOD judge him .

[nigel]

no one is perfect hes only human people sometimes are jaleous of someone success and try to bring him or her down just for the fun of it. before u do or say something stupid to someone look at your own self first and think about what u have done wrong in your life oh i'm sure we all have done some we not proud of i'm sure of it. (MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS)

[Paul]

WAKE UP EVERYBODY, KIRK IS NO SUPER BEING, HE IS JUST LIKE US ALL...WE SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE, BUT WHEN WE TELL THE STORY OF WHAT WE HAVE SEEN, WE ALSO KNOW THAT EVERYONE GET'S IT DIFFERENTLY. 100% OF US KNOW THAT WHEN WE LOOK AT SOMEONE AND FEEL THE ENERGY, WE KNOW IF THEY ARE GAY OR NOT, SO STOP GUESSING. THE QUESTION IS, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO WITH HIM? LOVE OR HATE!
BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT QUESTION, TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF. (A REAL GOOD LOOK)
100%AGAIN WOULD SAY.........LOVE

[Darren]

Wow...

So many nit-picky comments. Kirk is a real man... if you follow his blog on http://www.kirkfranklin.us you'll see that he keeps it real very regularly. I have the same attitude as Kirk when it comes to the secrets department: you can't use against me what I refuse to hide.

Just look at Donnie McClurkin, I greatly admire him for his openness and honesty. He doesn't air all his dirty laundry either, but no one is gonna be floored when they find some dirt about him being with another man.

I think the point is that Kirk is using his life to reflect what Christ does for us all... gives us a change to live again. Yes, we all have faults, and for whatever reason, we get this rush thinking about a celebity that might be gay. But honestly-- so what?! I'm glad that Rod shared what he did and I HOPE someone will post a video of the interview.

In the mean time, just put yourself in the same shoes or put your name where Kirk's name is... would the discussion be as exciting or as fun?

Hey, we reap what we sow... let's live and let live!

[missrosstoyou]

Kirk was NOT a hypocrite. A hypocrite is one who deliberately decieves others. He admits a guilt and a "struggle" which precludes his being a hypocrite UNLESS he is being decietful about the nature of the addiction. Oprah seemed to take particular joy in affirming his hypocrisy. I guess it made her feel morally superior. Who knows? She did do a good job and making him have a real conversation with her about the subject.

[ron]

kirk should not be crucified, he did what a lot of christians can't do. i'm a great fan, and now a more greater fan. people who judge him oughta sit back and examine their lives too. at least kirk is on the road to recovery and he will y the help of the spirit of GOD

[chv]

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