There is so much that can be said for Rodney Chester's fabulous acting on Noah's Arc. He consistently steals amost every scene that he appears in as Alex, and, his character is a truly riot. Half of the time we are applauding his antics, the other half of the time, well, we are throwing a balled sock or something at the television. But. Still. Laughing. Even more so in last week's season premiere, where Alex and Noah finally have the men of their dreams ... right?
With that in mind, let's move forward with the second season of Noah's Arc and our regular deconstructions. If you're a newbie, it's basically like a Mystery Science Theater 3000 approach toward the show. Everyone is a target. The only previous exceptions were the fabulous Alex and the lovely and talented Trey (Gregory Kieth). But, that may change, read on.
As far as a more critical eye toward the show is concerned, eh, maybe or maybe not that will happen in the course of general news coverage. Noah's Arc is amusing, entertaining, and, at times, very touching. It's possible to see a little of your own personality in each character—if you look.
INT: RICKY'S LOFT - BEVERLY HILLS "ADJACENT"
Ricky Davis (Christian Vincent) in bed—sans bangs, lookin' pumped, lovely and (somewhat) mannish with sexy five o'clock shadow. Sharing his wonderful king size bed and Peacock Alley? Pratesi? 400 count sheets—thank you production designer! muah!—with not one, but, two gorgeous studs.
Señor Davis interrupts their play time to (gasp!) take a call from Noah. As usual, young Noah needs advice. About men. Since Ricky has such an excellent track record with men and relationships, Noah decides to ask him ...
"How do you know when he's the one?' Noah asks.
"If you DON'T answer the phone while yo8u are in bed with them!" Rick says, "Just kiss him."
Taking Ricky's advice, our budding screenwriter-fashionista walks into the bedroom, leans over the bed and whispers ...
As he kisses Malik. There is something so-very tender about the kiss. Darryl really does have ... OH. WE'RE SO SORRY. Wrong picture. That voice threw us off. Let's try that once again, no?
As he kisses Malik (James C. Mathis III). There is something so-very tender about the kiss. Darryl really does have sexy lips. Regarding Malik: Not really feeling the
extensions dreads—but it provides lots of fluidity for the camera.
Malik's chablis-colored briefs are very tight and ... cute.
Notice how they perfectly complement the rust-hued walls and linens. Not too sure that we would like to see that look on a man with more hair than Rapunzel who expects to flip us over. But this is
Vancouver "Los Angeles" where the men apparently like that sort of thing. Or do they?
Actually Noah is concerned because his
rust-colored, non-suede finished, !Glidden! flat walls are starting to shake. It's the design police!
FADE OUT: CREDITS
EXT NOAH'S APARTMENT - NORTH HOLLYWOOD
Apparently, a very "bad one" because Noah's apartment? house? was so damaged that he can no longer live there. (Hmm. Aren't there seismic design codes that require ... oh, never mind.) This brings us to our first meeting of The Committee. As usual, Alex, Chance and Ricky have to help Noah. He, of course, is whining about being "homeless."
The Committee will now come to order.
"You're not homeless, you're staying with Malik," Chance (Doug Spearman) reminds him, looking quite cute n' pecalicious in his lil multi-colored polo.
Oops. Almost forgot. Time to check those fierce, up-to-the-minute California fashions:
Survey says ...
Neither do we, Nina.
Memo to Alex, Noah and Chance: We understand that Ricky is your best friend. But that doesn't require you to shop at Trade Analysis—clever name—the mall boutique where only two people bought purchases last season. But there are some interesting sights ...
We also learn that it's been six months since Wade and Noah broke up and the huge fight at Chance's wedding. More about that later because, as usual, Noah needs advice. AGAIN.
Okay, maybe he doesn't say exactly that. Noah needs to get his "own place" and adds that he "made good money from that Paramount script." He sure did make good money on that script—the current WGA minimum for major budget screenplays is $71,456. Where did the money go—rhinestone futures on the Nikkei?
Nevermind because ... Then. Alex. Says. It.
"It's time to get you over to your husband's house, gurl!"
Only 20 seconds after opening credits, might as well just get that first "girl" out of the way ASAP, no? We'll just keep our running "girl-bitch-degaga" tally as usual, mm'kay?
Speaking of husbands, the lovely and talented uno dos Trey is also returning home. From Africa ... and Alex can't wait.
"I've got my sexy outfit, candles, music. At 5:30 Trey gets into LAX. At 7:30 he should be getting into me!"
Ya think so? Let's remind everyone how his Treyness prefers to spend his quiet evenings at home ...
Okay, gurl. If you're thinking Trey wants to "get into" you ... especially after six months ... it's no wonder that he left for Africa.
EXT SAFEWAY PARKING LOT - VAN NUYS
Ricky and Chance at the Safeway. Standing rather close to each other. Interesting, err, umm ...
Lovely mohawk. Are these all the rage in
Vancouver Los Angeles?
We learn that Ricky isn't shopping for hair products, only a handyman to repair his "cracked plaster." That makes sense, no? Ricky is wealthy, owns a business and a home, but, shops for (bonded?) contractors in the parking lot.
But look at this one. Dayumn.
Chance is not impressed: "Boy, please. You hire him and the only thing being done in your apartment will be you." Not quite. Remember, in every episode we are reminded that Ricky is a "top." Or, at least what passes for one in Cali.
Chance picks out a suitable handyman for Ricky.
Doug has hilarious control over his character. But, doesn't look like Ricky will be doing this papi.
CASA DEL MALIK - SUNSET PLAZA DR.
Malik: Thank you for listening. Plus, you're such a good man to Noah, giving him real estate listings. "Here are some small houses and condos that I thought would fit your style and price range. The ones I thought you would really like are on top."
"What did I do to deserve such an amazing boyfriend?"
Wade fell in love with you ...
You didn't tell him that you were hired to rewrite his script, after he paid your overdue rent and got your car out of hock ...
You thanked him by going to a sex club and tricking off with Malik, who is the owner/promoter (or possibly just the desk attendant) of the party. Having a BF who was an industry player and wrote a movie for Will Smith is just sooo 5 minutes ago ..
Then you bumped into your event promoter at Chance's wedding, and, thinking that you were at his place of employment, you kissed him in the BATHROOM. Unfortunately, Wade was a witness ..
There was a big fight and six month's later you're still with Malik, who has an odd career trajectory but impeccable taste in home furnishing.
That's why you deserve "such an amazing boyfriend."
We'll tell you what else is crazy. Darryl Stephens' flawless complexion, those lips and that Colgate smile. Whoa. Sigh. We prefer this look on Noah, but, there is no denying that Darryl is hot-ta-def.
Speaking of lips, let's look at the two kiss ...
Okay, let's play like we're at the optometrist. Which is better? This ...
Okay, we'll leave Malik alone. He's a good brother, very giving, plus, his taste in major appliances (but not underwear) is exquisite.
We'll even excuse his blouse, yet another acquisition from a recent shopping spree at Los Cerritos Center.
On his way out, Noah drops a mug. Oops. "Don't worry about it, baby. You can break 'em all," Malik says. No drama with him, we like that. (There's also something about "gorgeous toes I like to suck on." TMI.) Now, we could be crunchy and remind everyone when someone else made a big deal over something similar. Nah.
RICKY'S LOFT - BEVERLY HILLS "ADJACENT"
We love to joke about Ricky's character but Christian Vincent really is the hotness. Here we see his triceps, courtesy of the WeHo Crunch. Señor Davis is looking for the handyman, Señor Rodriguez. He only finds his housekeeper Marta modeling the not-so-latest Victoria's Secret.
"Oh, Mr. Davis, I didn't expect you so soon. I ...so sorry." Yes, like her employer, she often has quickies with the help. Thankfully Ricky didn't fire her. That would be kinda hypocritical, no?
"Señor Rodriguez! You haven't done any of your work!"
Señor? Ricky calls the help "señor"? Now wonder they're disrespecting you, yo. BTW, "Señor" Rodriguez. You really don't want to get in that bed. Trust.
ALEX & TREY'S "JR 1BD" APT - SHERMAN OAKS
... NORTH OF VENTURA
Once again, Noah needs advice. He is on the phone with Alex while the latter is setting the mood for Trey—lighting candles, arranging flowers.
Okay. Let's try that once more, with feeling:
Once again, Noah needs advice. He is on the phone with Alex while the latter is setting the mood for Trey—lighting candles, arranging flowers.
Is Malik ... the one? YAWN. Alex sets him, err, straight. "He took you into his apartment without a second thought. He is helping you looking for a place. You've been him for six months. Damn BITCH!"
Instead of tallying up that first "bitch", let's give Alex a pass because the following scene is just too precious. During the last six months while Trey's been
partying in Johannesburg saving orphans in the Kalahari, Alex made some major improvements to their home. Look at the bookshelf:
Good news! No more plastic serving trays!
Plus, the floral arrangement is finally very, very nice. It's okay that Alex and Trey aren't living large—Alex is a social worker. We love Alex; he's so lovable, funny, and, fierce in drag.
Most importantly, we're after his man and don't want to sound like a hater. Simply put: His character is truly unworthy of the entire "bitch-hoe-girl" schtick. However, that apparently is here to stay so we're happy that he (at least) is taking a few clues from Martha Stewart.
One more thing: Alex reminds Noah that he is throwing a "welcome home" party for Trey. After six months of being Trey-less, mama bear wants to celebrate not at home—but, as usual, hanging out with her girlfriends at the club! Gurrrl. It's no wonder that Trey was forced to amuse himself on so many lonely evenings at home.
Let's see what's under that robe ...
DAYUMN boy. That's like Duncan Hines Deluxe. MOIST.
The Burberry cowboy hat and matching holster is priceless California "style." Hopefully, he is hiding a big gun in that holster because that is what Trey is looking for after six months.
**SIGH** Rod 2.0 ♥Trey
And Alex opens the door: "Welcome home, boo!"
Alright, Rodney Chester. You'd. Better. Work.
That curly-haired cute beoytch Guy is back. After slamming the door in their face and grabbing his robe, Alex welcomes the boys home.
Biting his lip, the sexy MFer.
Trey 2.0: "Uhh, Guy just broke up with his girlfriend. No warning, she just left a message saying that she put his stuff in storage. You don't mind if he stays with us, do you?"
INT - DA CLUB - DOWNTOWN
Featured song: "I'm (Not) In Love With a Stripper" (Canadian "Good Eh" Remix).
Still, somewhat an improvement over last year, no? Once again, let's play optometrist: Which go-go boy is better: That or This (ATL)? That or This (MIA)? That or This (NYC)? Or This? (NYC) That ... or This? (LHR) That ... or This? (ORD) Finally, that ... or This? (SWE)? Survey says ...
Aiight, g. You're out. Maybe, just maybe, shawty would look better after hittin' some weights and wearing a pair of these. (Oh grow up! Not even the go-go boys get a pass)
Moving on to Chance—the character we love to rag on, played to perfection by the fabulous, out and proud Doug Spearman. He is outraged because husband Eddie wants to show a lil affection at the club. They begin a bitch fest and we are lead to believe that the nose bandage is courtesy of Kenya, Eddie's daughter.
Shhhh. Let's eavesdrop:
Not quite what you would expect from a professor, right? G-fab arguments at the club. By the by, hopefully you got the above inside-inside joke. Kinda helps if you read last season's recaps.
Meanwhile, Noah and Malik are excited over their first night together and plan to begin "a nesting thang." They (awkwardly) kiss a few times. Guess what color Noah is wearing?
Apparently, extensive focus group research concludes that Noah is pretty in peach. (PS: He'd be hella hotter on that stage in tighties and Timbs, no?) The happy couple kiss and Malik runs off to the little boys room. You know what this means: Now, a quorum is present and the committee can meet. Eddie will take notes—remember, the "men" are to be seen (briefly) and rarely heard.
The committee will now come to order.
"Is there any old business?" Alex has a problem. "What the hell is taking Trey so long? I promised Trey that I was over my suspicions with Guy. If I don't, I could lose him permanently." Wow. Trey is spending too much time with one of his friends and that is hurting your relationship.
Wonder where he found that idea? From the person who decides to throw him a "welcome home" party at the club with "their" friends as opposed to, hmm, maybe here?
"Is there any old business?" Noah (as usual) needs advice: Malik. "I think I found the perfect man!" he whines. Ricky has a sluttier spin: "He's a front desk attendant at a sex club! That's better than perfect!" Alex gives it the Crenshaw swap meet spin: "After one night over at Malik's ... SHE is ready to walk down the aisle."
([digress] You know what: We just totally give up on "she-girl-bitch-hoe" argument. Since we're told that many black gay men often speak in this manner, "we" will just take your word for it. [/digress] )
Chance, being the (alleged) ECONOMICS professor—somewhat confirmed here—has wonderful pop PSYCHOLOGY relationship advice for Noah: "Well, if this is a rebound relationship, six months would probably be past your expiration date ..." YAWN. Sweety, you can't even get your husband to motivate his daughter to sleep in her own bed. Why don't we stick to something more simple, say, normative fiscal theory deconstructed from the post-Keynesian school of thought?
Alex offers the simple advice spoken by gay men all around the world: Quoting the lyrics sung by a diva! "No one is perfect ... but maybe Malik is perfect ... for you? That's so very Grace Jones!" Noah rolls his eyes, looks at Alex and says ...
.. absolutely nothing.
The only one with something half-way sensible to say is the hottie bartender who has been lurking in frame—the club is kinda sorta like the poor man's Splash aka SBNY, no? Dre (Merwin Mondesir) says that his man was on the rebound when they met. "He was messed up in the worst way, just bad!" Luckily, old boy got over it, yada yada, and now their relationship is solid. Sexiest voice on this one.
Unfortunately, slutty Ricky is not interested in hearing about muscleboys who are not interested in him. So, he utters what is undoubtedly the fiercest line of this episode: "Well, how does your man feel about you ..."
That's right. Super lil ruff hottie is dating none other than ... the lovely and talented Wade (Jensen Atwood). Talk about the business. He's looking very official, no?
Sometimes, a simple t-shirt, Colgate smile and biceps is more than enough of an outfit. Everyone is surprised to see each other. Apparently, someone has heard plenty about Noah.
Believe it or not, The Committee grants Noah and Wade some privacy. Alex, Ricky, Chance and non-voting delegate Eddie—who has been here, but, remember, the men are to be seen and not heard on this show—eventually excuse themselves.
Remember Malik? He returns from
tricking off in the men's room only to discover that Wade is back on the scene. The super-sweet, strong and sensitive, bootylicious topman with exquisite taste in furnishings and major appliances says ...
Okay, okay. He excuses himself: "Why don't you all talk." What a freakin' wuss. Man up, yo.
Noah: "How are you?"
Wade: "I'm cool, good, actually.
Ever since I dumped your cheatin' azz."
Dre: "I've got some drinks to serve
like a sloe strychnine fizz to Ricky. Nice meeting you, Noah. Back on the dance floor, Alex, Ricky, Chance and Eddie are punking to Victor Calderone's brilliant underground remix of the new Cher vs Beyoncé "B'Day" anthem. Naturally, Alex has ... Oops. Wrong city, wrong club, thinking about our weekend. Now, let's try that again:
Back on the dance floor, Alex, Ricky, Chance and Eddie are punking to a "remix."
Naturally, Alex has complaints. Trey called NAG NAG he can't make it NAG NAG too tired NAG NAG he's at home NAG NAG. Since this is (possibly) sex-related Ricky has decent advice: "Why are you still here? Just go home
before Guy gives him some". BTW, Alex strikes a pose in a pair of the new Louis Vuitton sunglasses by Pharrell.
Well, yea, okay, we should warned you that the glasses were the umm, "unauthorized" LA version." (Oh! Grow up!)
But, Rodney Chester steals the scene as usual, whisking away like Glenda the Good Witch. BTW, hottie Ricky looking quite pecalicious in his colorful t-shirt. Right before the break, guess who he bumps into from the Safeway?
INT - ALEX & TREY'S APARTMENT
Alex arrives home after spending a long night slaving over a hot ... dance floor. The salmon walls actually make a very nice homecoming for his Treyness. Hmm. Who's idea was that?
Let's not forget that cute n' sexy loc'd up beoytch Guy. Of course, you know us guys, we are always a mess and fall alseep with the television on and are just too lazy to do anything right so mama bear has to make it work. (Warning: Alex is starting his nagging.) That's right, Alex. Heaven forbid you extend some kindness to the doctor who helped to deliver funding to the "HIV clinic" that you (allegedly) developed.
Ahh. A vision of loveliness. Should Alex undress and crawl in bed? No, that would be too considerate. Let's just wake him up. Why not? The flight from Johannesburg only takes a minimum of 22 hours. Plus, Trey only had to move his best friend's stuff out of storage and settle him into their (junior one bedroom) apartment. Guy is only "a breast cancer specialist at Cedars" and clearly cannot afford a hotel room or his own place, considering the mere pittance that radiation oncologists earn for their work. Right? Trey probably is not too tired. But enough about you, Trey. What about my needs. Are you listening? "TREY! TREY!"
Sigh. Trey is tired, mumbles something—we swear he said "Rod", but, well, we could be wrong—and turns over. Alex rewards him with a pillow.
Gurrl, you wonder why your man ran off to Cape Town with a guy. Sweet dreams, Trey baby.
EXT - "MULHOLLAND DR"
Wait. You don't recognize him? No, that really is Malik. He only changed blouses during the drive up Laurel Canyon. Observe:
Malik and Noah are spending a romantic moment on Mulholland Drive, looking at all the little people with little problems below. The impromptu wardrobe change is a small matter. The crescendo of crickets and other wild insects native to the
post-production facility hillside is another matter. (We could upload audio or video clips but this post is already too heavy. Plus, the goal is to get y'all to watch the show, ya nah mean?) Any-hoo, Malik has a present:
Malik: "I thought this would be the perfect place to wish you a happy six month anniversary."
Noah: "OMG. This is the sweetest thing. Aww."
We're almost tempted to make a joke about the proximity of the sparklers to the obviously non-flame retardant, embroidered, peach pullover. But since Darryl/Noah has such a killer smile and is quite pecalicious ... We. Won't. Also, Malik's taste in bakery goods is outstanding.
Malik is in love. They kiss again ...
Well, let's just say the only fireworks are those sparklers because Noah imagines that he is kissing ... Wade?
So begins yet another flaky moment from Noah. (Or, perhaps the producers wanted the cake to symbolize "having your cake and eating it, too?" Brilliant! ) "Yada yada, It's not you, it's me," Noah basically says. "It's not going to work, yada yada." You gotta love this guy. Fortunately for Noah, Malik doesn't hold grudges and offers to drive him home. No, Noah would "rather walk home." What home? The same tastefully furnished home that Malik invited you into? You're returning to his home after you told him you don't love him? You're going to walk to his "home" in your chiffon blouse, braving the wild coyotes and crickets of the Hollywood Hills?
"I really don't get you!" sighs Malik.
As Malik drives away, we learn the real reason that Noah prefers walking home.
Malik has exquisite taste in major appliances and Persian rugs. However, he's only pushing a ...
INT - RICKY'S LOFT
A typical night at Cãsa del Ricky. Senõr Davis and Senõr Miguel (Mike Hanus) are wrestling on the severely cracked wall, probably because Ricky doesn't relish the idea of day labor trade "sleeping" on his 400 count Pratesi sheets.
The boys frolick to the sounds of Jody Watley's "Borderline." (Interview with the fabulous Ms. Watley here and here.) Earlier we heard Beyoncé. Good idea to start off the new season with the best, no?
That's right, youngn's. Senõr Ricky Davis uttered one of the few words that is rarely heard on television. It begins with "G" and ends with "T" and refers to He Who is Above. Shame on you, Ricky!
However, sexy Miguel knows what to do: "Oh, I can fix that."
Ricky truly doesn't deserve a show after that language, but, who can resist Miguel? Especially with the two-thumb underwear action.
INT - CHANCE & EDDIE'S TOWNHOUSE
A quiet evening of wedded bliss. Chance and Eddie are preparing for bed. Chance has an idea: Why don't we switch sides? "But I always sleep on THIS SIDE!" Eddie bitches. "Humor me," Chance says sweetly. Awww.
Thankfully, Eddie falls into a peaceful slumber and forgets about his whining until ...
Kenya slaps him. Well, there's only one way to take care of that.
Kenya's "ready" for her own bed. Smooth move, Chance.
INT - ALEX & TREY'S JR. IBD
EXT - "MULHOLLAND DR"
Aww. Wade and his new squeeze, the pecalicious Dre, are also tooling down Mulholland. The sunflower in the passsenger's seat is a cute, unexpected touch.
WADE: "What are you doing out here? You need a ride?"
NOAH: "No, I thought a walk home would be nice."
DRE: Do you need a ride?
NOAH: "No. I'll walk home."
Enuff jokes already. It hasn't been a good night for Noah. As usual, he has made some bad choices, but, the kid doesn't know any better. Noah broke up with Malik because he realized that he still loves Wade ... who obviously is very happy with his new life.
Or is he?
DVD Review: "Noah's Arc" (Rod 2.0) Interview with Rodney Chester (After Elton) Girls Gone Wild (Rod 2.0) Let's Try Something Different (Rod 2.0) Surprise! (Rod 2.0) Noah, Noah, Noah (Rod 2.0) Meet the Cast (Rod 2.0) All Aboard: "Noah's Arc" Season 2 (Rod 2.0) Doug Spearman in "The Advocate" (Rod 2.0) Jensen Flaunts It (Rod 2.0) Uno Dos TREY (Rod 2.0)