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26 August 2010

Comments

Mystic Stranger

If she were a black man, the outrage in the case would be deafening. I am amazed at how quiet the masses seem to be on this.

True Words

Gay men need to stop pretending HIV and AIDS are simply "manageable illnesses". Anyone who knows someone who is HIV+ or has AIDS knows the regimen of pills they have to take, the illnesses they have to deal with, the drug side effects, etc. We've done such a good job not marginalizing people who are positive that we have marginalized the reality of the virus. –from Mark

The reality is if I test you on any given Tuesday and you are negative that means NOTHING…I would have to put you in solitary confinement, come back in 3-6 months and test again as so to ensure that there are no antibodies present but the essential point is that you have NOT had sexual contact with anyone.

It is sad that this key point has not been touted, practiced and exclaimed by the larger gay community and gay media when considering HIV status.

Too many gay men are completely clueless in regards to their status and it is EASIER to say or click the box negative or avoid it ALL together…than have the conversations that need to go on.

OK I will say it bareback sex feels GREAT however consider the following: that 20 minutes of bareback could place you on 20 years of medication. There is no denying these realities; while the medication is helpful there is a backlash in the gay community because of the perception of being HIV+.

Those gay men online with Grindr, Manhunt, Adam4Adam, RealJock, Gay.com, Friendster, and other venues to meet up from bars to bathhouses see how HIV+ men are treated and/or talked about. With this knowledge of possible isolation and denial of sex some gay men will not get tested.

Also these laws are pushing more gay men from testing. If I do not know then I do not know and therefore I am not responsible for this.

Many in the gay community see HIV as preventable and IT IS but please remember we are all having SAFER SEX; condom usage is VITAL to this.

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. I think EVERY gay man should have an answer regarding whether or not they will have sex or date a HIV+ person. I would never try to convince someone as it is your decision but you should have a solid answer. When you ignore or someone discloses they are HIV+ you should have the ability to talk about your viewpoints and whether or not you want to proceed. This is a powerful piece of yourself that you share with someone else. It is odd that many gay men know ALL of their sexual fetishes but this little consideration has been ignored.

2. Consider changing the language like I am clean UB2; some HIV+ men are caused to further hide their status or simply not get tested. You can NO longer tell if someone is HIV+ and many gay men do not tell even their closest friends about their health status because too many gay men are not discreet. Also there are portions of the gay community that do not test as it is easier to state that they are negative. Sure their last test was negative but it was 9 months ago or maybe even 3 years.

3. The #1 reason most men are HIV+ is TRUST sure it is misplaced TRUST but there it is. You say I am negative and then it is happy trails down the unsafe sex lane. It just should not be that easy to be convinced about someone's status.

4. Bareback videos whether people want to acknowledge them or not cause many HIV- and HIV+ men to formulate an opinion about bareback sex.

a. HIV- men may see HIV+ men as "slutty"

b. HIV+ men may see these actions as a measuring stick on how to behave sexually.


Of course this does not apply to all men but there needs to me more talk about this.

Lang B

REMORSE? It is intent to harm- sorry. Willful act and after the fact she's sorry? TOO late B.

FREELEO

Thank you, True Words. You have offered a perspective and provided clarity on several concerns I have around this topic.

As a community, we really aren't having frank and honest discussions with one another about this topic. I attempted to have a conversation with a person who is hiv positive and some how everything I said to him he took offense.

Imo we have become a community of hiv positive people versus hiv negative people. I use to spend time at black gay discussion groups until I realized that most of the conversations were addressing the issues and concerns of my poz brothers. The truth is that many of us have issues surrounding our sexuality, family, and about life in general. My community wasn't and still doesn't address my concerns. In a sense it feels like they are saying that I didn't have any real issues because I wasn't positive. I wonder if this is how many of our younger brothers who are just coming out feel?

In public it would appear that we are pretty united around certain subjects. In private we are more isolated. It's a sad situation.

Mystic Stranger

Freeleo makes a valid point. A good friend of mine who is positive used to invite me to various meetings and discussion groups, but I would never go because no issues that related to me were ever discussed. I had plenty of issues surrounding my sexuality when I was younger and I had no real outlet for them because where I am HIV was always the focus (and there should be a focus on it because it's a huge problem.) But, there should be more diversity where these things are concerned. However, I have never gotten the sense that my friends who are positive are treated in a way that's hostile - most of them have normal dating and sex lives and are open about their status. (I know it happens all the same.) I guess it depends on the person and where you are in the country.

Procrastination_Xtravaganza

Mystic,

You live in the US no? I think this case went without much fanfare because she's a German pop star,..it wasn't really covered in the American media, but it was all over German news with much discourse the past few weeks.

Glad Rod's kept up with it now that I'm back in NY!

Mystic Stranger

Yeah I am here in the States ... but I still think if she were a black male - even a black man in another country - the media would have been all over this, especially in the climate of "black men are the monsters spreading AIDS."

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