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09 May 2014

Comments

Sean

Great news but I'll be even happier when he signs with an NFL team!

a{GAY}tekeeperiam

I hope he gets signed to a team

Derrick from Philly

I wish Michael Sam the best. I really do.

Dean

Maybe there something wrong with me but when I saw his partner my heart dropped. Different people at different stages of life. Why couldn't he pick someone more like himself? He can't like who he is that much to pick someone so different.

elg

Black gay men who can "pass" for straight almost always do.

In my time, a black gay man who was "out" was pretty much a pariah to the overwhelming majority of black gay men. That was true in my time, and from what I've observed it's still true today.

Derrick Gordon, who recently came out, has apparently met a kindred spirit. The race (and age) of his friend/partner notwithstanding. When you first come "out", you have no time or patience for gay men who are afraid to face an often hostile world in "truth".

Those of you who are upset because Derrick Gordon has a white/middle-aged friend/partner will get even more upset when you see Michael Sam openly kissing his white boyfriend on the mouth when he learned he was drafted by the NFL. I saw this a few minutes ago.

PS: When you come out of the closet and/or up from the "down-low", you have an opportunity to meet amazing men who are more comfortable in their own skin. In a word, healthier. What could be wrong with that? You only have one life, you might as well live it to the fullest. Being "out and proud" is the only way to go.

kayman

I guess, elg. I'm out and I still see a limitation, so...

elg

@Kayman
I realize that everything is not black and white (no pun intended). There are shades of gray.

There are no guarantees in life. You can only try to increase the odds of something good happening for you, now or later.

As always, and this goes for everyone, take what you can use and pitch the rest.

Jewels

Good lord Eig you betta preach. I feel the same way. what successful black openly gay man wants to be with a back man who has issues with his gayness, is closeted and full of insecurities? I don't blame him. you go to Atlanta and you see all these super fine black men and they are messy, talk about each other, they are shady and pretentious. This all to cover up their own self hatred. When I become famous I'm going to find myself a Latin or ethnic man but he probably will NOT be another black man. I've waited and searched for 20 years for him and I'm convinced, he doesn't exists in the black gay community. One final thing. Did you notice Michael was at his boyfriend's family's house? This should have been a moment that he should have been able to celebrate with this OWN family but there was not one black person in that room. Love those who love AND support you baby even if that mean leaving your family behind.

elg

@Jewels said:
"Did you notice Michael was at his boyfriend's family's house? This should have been a moment that he should have been able to celebrate with this OWN family but there was not one black person in that room."

I did notice and I was thinking the same thing.

@Jewels also said:
"Love those who love AND support you baby even if that mean leaving your family behind."

It seems that increasing numbers of black gay men are coming to the realization that they can walk away from their homophobic relatives and the world won't come to an end.

Sometimes you have to leave your biological family behind and create an "intentional" family of like-minded, loving and supportive people. Perhaps, Michael Sam has done this. If he has, I'm sure he felt he had to. Sometimes you just have to "move on".

Chitown Kev

@Jewels

Exhibit #1- Kerry Rhodes

Now, if "the one" is a black man, fine, a white man, that's fine too. A Latino, Arab, WHATEVER.

I just don't need all of that DRAMA!

Derrick from Philly

very powerful and honest discussion here. Yes.

Chitown Kev

I need to be fair about this...

Yes, as Aaron Rodgers well knows, white queens can be quite messy when it comes to stuff like this.

But...BUT...the quantities and qualities of tea served up in the Rodgers and Rhodes cases do say something.

Chitown Kev

To get back to the topic (I did get off of it a bit) compare, for instance, Orlando Cruz and Ricky Martin where it seems as if not only is there family support but the support of their respective communities as well.

There's a lot of data here that needs to be and, quite frankly, IS being looked at (e.g. Whitney Houston/Robyn Crawford/Cissy Houston).

Jewels

But have you children noticed that Kerry Rhodes had to go BACK in the closet because of that messy bumble bee looking black queen spreading his T on all the sites? Same thing with Mister Cee and those drag queens and across the board. While it has happened with the latin kids too (the latin guy who exposed Terrell etc) my uncle told me something that has really come into play for me now. "Don't pluck with ANYBODY who doesn't have as much to lose as you." As black gay men we stand for nothing and we wait for everyone else to fight our fights. The white kids have been there front and center for at least two decades now which is why they reap the benefits. I would have loved to have been with another black man but I am really convinced that when it comes to love black gay men are cowards. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life waiting for a coward.

Jewels

Kerry tried to date a black gay boy and you see what happened there. He had to go back in the closet and now he's given up and black women AND black men. He has a white girlfriend. This is what I mean. who needs the backstabbing and insecurity.

Greg G

"He had to go back in the closet and now he's given up and black women AND black men. He has a white girlfriend."

Child, please. Like white women and white men have never put white or Black men on blast? Monica Lewinsky? Kim Kardashian? Take your pick of any scandal involving Republican politicians or white pastors, there was usually a white girl or boy behind it. Look at many of these actors and ballers who have been put on blast, and there are are often white girls behind it.

I will agree with someone to say "Do you and be with who you want." But enough with the praising white boys and white women like they are SUPERIOR to black folks. That is your brain regurgitating 500 years of white supremacy and racism.

What you see being played out over Michael Sam is that black people and black gay men have been taught the "crabs in a barrel" mentality = anytime one of us is successful, "we" have to criticize them because "we" feel that another black men being successful means there is "less" for us. And yes, many black gay men are closeted, so they are especially threatened by another successful black gay man who is out and proud. Because most of "us" live/work/worship among our people and families and cannot/do not want to be out.

This entire conversation around Michael Sam is nothing but "backstabbing and insecurity", just like "we" will greet any news of a successful black gay man with "backstabbing and insecurity." If Michael Sam's BF were black, the children would STILL be criticizing and complaining ... "He's too light" "He's another jock" "He's masculine, no love for femme brothas" "He's too femme" ...

Chitown kev

"But enough with the praising white boys and white women like they are SUPERIOR to black folks."

Noone is saying that white folks are superior...at least I'm not.

I am saying, though, that in situations like this there is less of a tendency for white folks to be messy (look at the various and confused reactions with Sam's family).

and that's as much of a regurgitation of racism and slavery as anything else.

Chris Cruz

These comments are funny. Every black gay man reading this blog knows good and well that the majority of comments on white gay blogs about black people are "messy", racist and race-baiting. The majority of stories on white gay blogs about black people are usually about something homophobic. The comments at Towleroad, Queerty, The Advocate, etc routinely slam black people and are quite racist ... if one black person says something homophobic, it becomes a discussion on 'black people' in general. Brothas have been complaining for years. Or has everyone except Greg forgotten this?

The few exceptions are the stories about black gay men who meet their approval like Michael Sam, Jason Collins, Don Lemon, etc ... and that is because those black gay men have white partners. That's reflective of real life ... if white gay men see that a black man is sexually interested in him them, then they roll out the red carpet. If not, then they get angry and want to exclude you from events, activities, organizations, etc.

Or do you think that Towleroad and the other white gay blogs would devote this much attention to Michael Sam if he had a BLACK boyfriend that he kissed so passionately? I surely believe the answer is "no".

Derrick from Philly

Well, interesting comment, Chris Cruz. I just want you to know that read it. And it made sense.

And I will never forget how you called me a " passive aggressive bitch" about three years ago. Called me a "bitch" about four times in your comment. I will never forget it.

And if if happens again, I will have response to it for you, Senorita Cosa.

Dean

Well thanks for derailing that conversation! Anyone else a bit annoyed that he didn't find some one like Obama did. He made an effort to not be a clichè

Chitown Kev

Oh, dear...shade is being thrown BACK!

Anty-way, I think that we have been having discussions of this type at least as far back as Frederick Douglass marrying is secretary (who was white) and maybe even as far back as the darker-skinned slaves of Mr. Jefferson being, to some extent, jealous that they weren't schtupping that high-yaller gal Miss Sally.

I remember something that Cornel West wrote back in the early 1990's that made a whole lot of sense then and now.

The gist of it was that there's no problem with interracial relationships provided that one doesn't degrade the humanity of blacks at the same time.

That doesn't mean that you don't talk about issues surrounding racism surrounding relationships but...I mean, I'll be dam*ed if I toss aside a decent *other than black* guy simply to make a political statement of being with a black guy.

By the same token, I'm not about to toss aside a decent black guy simply because he's not an *other than black guy.*


TC

Chris: Preach on!

Kev: You're wayyyyy off base. On the one hand you're claiming white gay men are less "messy" but you conveniently ignore their huge legacy of racism toward black men. If that's not "messy" what is?

I agree with the Greg who spoke about "crabs in a barrel" and internalized oppression among gay black men. We see it every day. Read the comments in this blog going back years. Gay black men are attacked and denigrated. And lawd help any successful gay black mean. They are singled out for the most abuse.

Chitown Kev

Well, I'm not ignoring their legacy of racism (carding policies at clubs, pornography, etc.) but I did think that this thread was somewhat specifically related to intimate relationships (interracial and otherwise, and specifically Michael Sam's)and it was to that point that I was addressing my comments.

Not the well documented messiness of white gay racism, not the well documented messiness of white gay blogs, or anything else.

and I don't know about the crabs in the barrel on this specific topic, but at no point in this thread or any other have I criticized Michael Sam for his relationship choices or anything else.

On the note of white gay blogs (and getting of the subject again) one thing I am getting sick and tired of, though, are folks claiming that Sam dropped in the draft solely due to homophobia. Folks keep bring up the SEC thing, forgetting that SEC defenses weren't all that last year anyway, for example

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