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17 November 2008




Now we can finally get this conversation about marriage equality back on track.

It has been breaking my heart to read some of the tom-foolery that has been posted by white gay men and some blacks in response. We have driven this bus so far off course over the past few days that it has been sickeing, but maybe we have returned to our senses and can make some new headway.

When I'm asked when I came out, even years of social activism, advocacy, spiritual equality and affirmation, I am still reminded of the moment my Momma asked me if I would ever get married. She asked this question of a 13 year old fat, Black, nerd who read the dictionary for sport and who read the newspaper. She asked this question in 1977, while I was in love with Natalie Cole's voice singing about I've Got Love On My Mind and La Costa and I wanted a love that would make those songs a reality. It was no personal accident that she asked if I would ever get married, so that I could my young self say "YES MA'M. AS SOON AS THEY MAKE IT LEGAL." That's how I came out. That's why I fight. That's my prayer. To one day marry someone who dreamed of being married when he was a little boy and who still believes, even as domestic partnerships and civil unions were offered as backup plans, but his heart still said not enough. Someone who has suffered through less than relationships with people who said that they believed, but the truth of love scared them away, but couldn't scare him from still believing. I fight today, strong and true, in the state of NJ, where marriage equality will likely be a truth and a reality because I believe.

I believe that Californians were tricked by the language of the Proposition, which was purposefully misleading.

I believe that Blacks and Browns and Yellows in California were blamed because many Whites didn't do the work that should have been done to rally and stand and fight before, too busy worried about Britney's old marriage to concentrate on their own future possibility, too distracted by the parties and such to remember that we are still in the fight of our lives and this is a cold wind over some sandy beaches, that are being blown to remind us to stay focused.

I believe that the conversations that are going to be had between Black and White gays, conversations which we have avoided for decades, conversations that still include white male privilege and white gay objectification, are going to be had and held and finally we can look at each other as brothers and not just lovers or nothing.

I believe that we are witnessing a new season, our new Stonewall, and this time, as opposed to being forced to scream in the streets, we are finally going to have to sit down at tables, and talk and realize that orientation isn't enough of a common understanding to hit the ground running. We have to know each other and support each other and appreciate each other and while some of those conversations may be uncomfortable, the lack of them will kill us internally, as a supposed community that has no common unity.

I'm ready to talk.

chris cruz

You better preach, Rev Kev, i love your voice and the conversation you have begun for black gay/sgl men.


Rod let me cosign the good reverend, who I am growing to love more by the day. Thanks for staying on this story and showing that not ALL black people are homophobic. We have a lot of work to do in our community and need to fight stigma and homophobia but many black straights will support gay rights.

Derrick from Philly

Absolutely right...as usual, Rev.

I love ya' even if you are a New York Giants fan.


Rev, you betta keep breakin' it down.


ooh great work rod! this is fantastic! I'm glad the NAACP is stepping forward.

great post, kev!

derrick: wow...you're supporting something "black" today? interesting...


Rod your comments are very biased...Stop blaming Savage and Sullivan for telling the truth about your people....and they are not raceist both are Obama supporters....You really are ungrateful


Let me also add that Dan Savage recognized black gay men on national televsion...what more do you want?


"Dan Savage recognized black gay men on national televsion....what more do you want?"

We do not want your privilege and patronizing tone. You really have lost your mind.

Derrick from Philly

"derrick: wow...you're supporting something "black" today? interesting..."

Yeah, I supported something "black" on Friday I "read" Andy Towle because he banned your snotty ass from his blog on Friday, remember?

REVKEV, sorry to soil your positive statement with some battling "queen" crap. I should be old enough to resist such foolishness.

Hey, SHADE TEA, thanks for reminding me: most white homosexuals may not be a real friend, but neither are many black bitches.


Sorry 735i, being referred to as a Mandingo top does not show any sort of respect in 2008 and who knows who they voted for in the privacy of the booth, since over 30% of white gays voted for McCain.

Rev Kev, speak the truth, keep on speaking the truth.


Luther did Dan Savage call a black man a mandingo top, no I don't think so. He made a joke and Rod continues to try to embarrass Savage. the fact is many white gay men appreciate black men.

Derrick you also have been sassy on this blog and towleroad.

where is the black gay blog that welcomes white men and wants interacial love? this used to be a friendly atmosphere but no more


derrick: oh, boo toots, don't worry..i always have ways of getting around a banning...

i'll be back at ms. towle's site, coming for him AND YOU....

but, what is this...this is the first time you've supported "black"? i'm proud of you...

do you get to use your "black" card over at towleroad, or are you still on "pickaninny/buckwheat/sambo/NIGGAboo" status there?

do tell...


let me say it again ...

where is the black gay blog that welcomes white men and wants interacial love???


735i is the epitome of West Hollywood privilege. Why do so many white gay men think we owe them something?

Derrick from Philly

"do you get to use your "black" card over at towleroad, or are you still on "pickaninny/buckwheat/sambo/NIGGAboo" status there?"

You know what's funny, SHADEY? When reading your comment to Andy on Friday, I couldn't help but notice how you wrote using standard English, and impeccable grammar and punctuation. Now, you come back to Rod's blog speaking like a Nappy Headed Hoochie Mama Ho. Extraodinary.

You calling me "pickaninny/buckwheat/sambo/NIGGAboo"

What's worse, dear: to have the status of such a thing, or to look like such a thing. You would know, Sapphire.

REV & Rod, I'm sorry again, but these younger "children" will never learn, they can "throw shade" better than an old queen, but they can NEVER top us in the art of "reading". You see, "Throwin' Shade" doesn't take "reading" skill or a devious wit--just a ghetto mentality.

Ten in My Timz

Derrick, I have been asking myself the same questions...why some gay black men such as YOU have intelligent and witty commentary at Towleroad...and come to Rod 2.0 and 'read' and act ghetto. I have seen this for many months.

Care to comment ... ?


OK.. Why did that bit of news make me so happy? Finally one of our most venerable organizations is showing it's still relevant in the new millennium. I'm so happy right now.


Did you guys see how Ashton Kutcher shut down Dan Savage on Politically Incorrect this week? Even straight men don't like that self absorbed twit.


I'm not sure how this became a rad session but I am also happy the NAACP is stepping up to the plate. As Freeleo said, it's great to see them flexing in the new milenium.


Ten in my Timz:

ooh gurl...SPEAK ON IT!

I have been thinking the same thing. well you know Derrick "lives" for the white gurls over at towleroad..too bad they don't LIVE for him.


great post, rod.

i'm glad the NAACP is stepping up the plate...

i'm hoping all of the other POC orgs in cali follow suit.


"Your people?"

'Scuse me, but your paradigm is so two centuries ago. Voting for Obama wasn't some kind of favor to African Americans, it was in all of our best interests. Even the likes of Savage and Sullivan had that much sense. Nobody here owes you anything. If you insist on being backwards, at least try to behave with some respect when you're a guest, as you are on this site.

I'm a mixed-ancestry lesbian with white privilege, and I've been angry and sick over the "blame the brown people" BS in the wake of Prop 8 passing. I've been so glad to have this site to come to as one of the voices of reason. Thank you for that, Rod 2.0.

Also, this article has given me a huge boost today.

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