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11 September 2009

Comments

DFS

Not being in the church or gospel music scene at all,I have no idea who this guy is. But I'm happy that he has taken this step

GRANT

We all have to travel our own road in life. Coming out takes courage and it was very brave of Tonex to make this decision. I wish him the best of luck and hope it will help others to do the same.

Kevjack is right,, the only people who are upset and hating are the church queens who feel this threatens their precious glass closets. They are in denial and self absorbed with their shame.

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=687788012

Mr. Tonex, I applaud your honesty. I've met you once before. Indeed, a very humble spirit you have. You know that God loves you no matter what. You say you sought the Lord to remove this thing from you. How bad do you want it gone? Don't give up on God if you really want to be free from it. Honesty is only the beginning. You may be closer than you think! The way to overcome whatever sin we have is to see the sin as God sees it, then resist or refuse to accept it as the way He would have us to live. When we really love someone, we want to please them in every way. So, naturally, we will do what it takes to make sure this happens. It's called a sacrifice- of which we are called to be as living. No one likes to struggle in this regard but the beauty of it is, we can give it to God. Then we must do our part to starve/deny our flesh of it. This is the REAL fight! It DOES NOT feel good! Alot of times we even have to separate ourselves from those who do it! And that's with any sin. We all die daily from something. It's a process and will take time. Study God's Word concerning this thing and wait on Him. Whoever HE sets free is free indeed. I don't believe He's done with you yet, Tonex. Just know that you are in my prayers.

Jim

Amy Craig said: You say you sought the Lord to remove this thing from you. How bad do you want it gone?

If by “this thing,” you mean bigotry against gay people, I imagine Tonex wants it gone very badly.

If by “this thing,” you are referring to your own arrogant and corrupt sickness of heart and mind, I imagine that we ALL want it gone very badly.

You may not even know anyone, Amy, with an uncorrupted heart, given whom you probably surround yourself with. But if you do, you need to seek help from that uncorrupted heart before you cause any more suffering to those with the misfortune of knowing you.

alicia banks

kudos and bravos!

if only those 2 homo homohaters clifton davis and donnie mcclurkin would be so honest and brave!

they should have next!

Ravenback69

@ Amy Craig

In all honesty, take that crap somewhere else. There is no "thing" inside him. He is not a sinner because he is gay or that he desires to be with a man. I am so sick of Bible thumpers like you who choose to twist the Bible for your own purposes. Too bad we can't know about your personal life so we can throw the Bible at your sinful life. That evil you are spewing may work in the circles you travel in but not here. In listening to Tonex, he doesn't appear to be wrestling with any demons like you seem to think he is. God didn't make any mistakes when designing him. Tonex didn't choose to be who he is. Apparently you weren't listening to everything he said. Nor did evil decide to darken his doorstep and tempt him with a lust for men.

Go somewhere else with that BS because it is not welcome here. You have some gall trying to act as though you truly care about Tonex. With that type of caring, who needs cruelty. The only fight Tonex has left is the battle to fully accept who he is. And I applaud him for taking a giant step towards victory.

apres moi

I don't know who this guy is, probably because I grew up Catholic. However, after listening to him speak, I'm definitely checking out his music.

The first thing that popped in my mind is "this guy's career as he knew it is over" He'll probably keep only 40% of his fan base but he already has all those church ladies gossiping about the possibility that their pastors and deacons could be gay.

afrographia

It's interesting that all the comments so far are about the politics of his sexual expression, but nothing much has been said about the humanity or vulnerability of this Black man, the pain he's experienced, the triumph he has found. How come we tend to run toward argument or gossip elements, and away from embracing each other and lifting each other up as Black folks, as Black men, as human beings?

DW Jazzlover

What a Beautiful Young Man! So Well articulated.I did not know of him.
Thanks Rod

Nathan James

In publicly taking ownership for his past homophobia, and coming out of the closet in a public (And church-oriented) forum, Tonex has shown himself to be a sober, self aware young man. But the issues and causes of the "DL", are, as is well-known, often far more complex and challenging than a simple question of "being true to oneself". I did a blog entry http://authornathan.blogspot.com/2009/08/down-low-detective-gives-his.html>here, about my friend the NYPD detective, who enumerates the personal and professional reasons why he is "on the low". I also continue to maintain that the "DL" is a monster society created, and until we live in a more enlightened, open-minded, adult society, the "DL" quandary will be with us.

I will find it interesting to see how Tonex' church, peers, and family will respond to his remarks, and whether his professional life will suffer. That having been said, I still applaud Tonex for coming out. Courage is always commendable.

Anthony in Nashville

I give Tonex respect for finally admitting the obvious.

Like others have said, his career will probably take a nosedive. But maybe his sales were already slipping, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

Kevin Perez

What is a a God-fearing, heterosexual (annoying) Black woman doing on this blog? Shouldn't you be with your self-rightous buddies boasting about how great God is else where that is not a gay blog for men of color? Interesting, Straight Black women are for ever complaining about misgony and sexism from Black men but suddenly you come to a place that is a haven for LGBT of color who suffer discrimination and abuse (from people like you) and are ignored by people who complain about the evil of larger society, while hypocritically doing the same BS to same-sex loving people and those who refuse to conform to gender norms.

You're another douchebag that pretends to be understanding, kind and claims not to hate gays but treat those who are LGBT like we have some disease. Sorry but being gay isn't the same a Black women who opens their legs for any hoodlum that knocks on their door, or even sinful. Also including those babby daddies, thugs, gangstas, church hoodrats and morons that talk about how great He is on a Sunday while sexing and partying and all kinds of sh*t, yet, the chuch says were beneath them? I don't know. Maybe because of you're failed relationships, many of you are coming to this blog to scapegoat and behave like a bunch of self-righteous b*tches because of your own self-hatred and misery.

People like that don't have any entitlement for victimhood, let alone lecturing about morality. If this post was offensive, well, think about LGBT of color deal with from Straight Black men and ESPECIALLY STRAIGHT BLACK WOMEN. We're good for picking out your cloths, your nails, and complimenting you gals and being your sidekicks but when it comes to equality we must know are place. That is the same thing with Latinos as well.

Drew

Oh this is old news when he had a meeting a few months back with The heads of the P.A.W who told him he had to go and could not use the title of P.A.W, Tone'x has always been crazy and a nutt job. His church now has only a few members and his mom might be the only one to help save his daddy church. Yet, I was told that he did this to get more fans as he needs money badd!

Jim

Kevin Perez, for some reason, I woke up this morning wondering where you were, and here you are!

That is some h*lluva of a rant you just delivered, but I particularly like the middle paragraph. You really nailed it with this one:

"Maybe because of your failed relationships, many of you are coming to this blog to scapegoat and behave like a bunch of self-righteous b*tches, because of your own self-hatred and misery."

That’s why homophobia is such a popular theme with the pastors. Homophobia offers women such as this one a way to feel better about themselves, and they’ll pay their pastors good money for that warm righteous feeling.

Lapdog

I love the realness of the tone, just hold up to and what it is without the wall of shame.

TheRevKev

I don't even know where to begin.

Tonex is a masterful singer, a powerful minister and a personal friend.

He is the host of BETJ's LIFTED, which I have been producing for several seasons now and I am proud of him for boldly taking this powerful and empowering step in the very closeted gospel community.

Tonex performed at Unity Fellowship Church New Brunswick's GALA ANNIVERSARY SERVICE last year and he was loving and connected and open and proud. I am glad that he has given the outlet to go here (as he ATTEMPTED to do so on BET last year as well...so don't blame the lag in time on the artist!). I know that he has also performed for other LGBT organizations before and has DARED to have this conversation many times.

Again, my biggest concern/wish is that WE...the LGBT BLACK COMMUNITY...now that we KNOW...we support! It's a bold step and we are always trying to out people and force people to be open and FOR WHAT if they cannot rely upon our support.

I am not saying support him because he is gay or same-gender loving or attracted or never uses the words you want him to use!

SUPPORT TONEX BECAUSE HE IS ONE OF THE SINGINGEST MEN ON THE PLANET! Don't believe me, YOUTUBE HIM and watch "MAKE ME OVER!" He is a stunning vocalist! He is amazing singer and minister and I want to see him find the kind of success in our community that Kirk Franklin was able to garner almost exclusively from NON-CHURCH GOING PEOPLE AT FIRST!

POWER!
POWER!
POWER!

I am excited about what's to come for TONEX!

Rod...thanks for shining this light to the community! NOW, PEOPLE, IT'S ON US!

Brian QTD

"You say you sought the Lord to remove this thing from you. How bad do you want it gone? Don't give up on God if you really want to be free from it. Honesty is only the beginning. You may be closer than you think! The way to overcome whatever sin we have is to see the sin as God sees it, then resist or refuse to accept it as the way He would have us to live"

Hocus pocus! Hocus pocus! Hocus pocus! A bunch of meaningless theological buzzphrases and pop theology slogans strung together. You may as well be saying "abracadabra" to Williams because that is how useful what you said is to him.

Your insinuation that Williams did not want it "badly" enough is just stupid. He and many other LGBT people wanted to not be gay and to be "freed" from same-sex attractions or transgender feelings very badly. They sometimes struggled with their same-sex attraction/trans feelings for DECADES. Your slogans have no basis in real life; rather, they are excuses you make to yourself and others to ignore reality and squash critical thinking and reflection. This kind of attitude needs to be uprooted from black thought and black consciousness immediately.

Claiming to know what God "thinks" because you've read SOME biblical texts and listened to your pastor tell you what to think about them doesn't give you a free pass to just spout abstractions to people.

"It's called a sacrifice- of which we are called to be as living. No one likes to struggle in this regard but the beauty of it is, we can give it to God. Then we must do our part to starve/deny our flesh of it."

No, no, no--a thousand times, no! This is a version of the "everybody-has-their-cross-to-bear" B.S. It was used for slaves and women and it goes something like this: Everybody suffers, everybody has their cross to bear, so just give it to God and "he" will handle it. It is the cornerstone of abusive, oppressive theology. It's time to call it out. This EXACT same theology was used on blacks. It was used on women too. It's disgusting that a black woman (or any black person) would use it on someone else.

"Just know that you are in my prayers."

Williams clearly doesn't want your worthless, self-absorbed, self-righteous magic spells and incantations. He's probably been there, as have many others. He wants justice for LGBT people in the Body of Christ. Judging from statements like yours, I kind of understand why someone would write something like this:

"When you spread out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you. Even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are filled with blood. Wash yourselves! Purify yourselves! Remove the evil of your deeds from my sight! Cease to do evil! Learn to do good, seek justice, admonish the oppressor, defend the orphan, contend for the widow." (Isaiah 1:15-17).

As far as I am concerned people who have contempt for LGBT people, who perpetuate stigma, who walk around smugly pronouncing abstract dogmas to condemn and shame, their prayers are meaningless. Because you help perpetuate a hateful, miserable sometimes violent life against LGBTs, your prayers are an abomination. Again, you might as well be saying "abracadabra."

This issue is a major distraction for the church and it continues to perpetuate superiority complexes, reinforce sexism, breed pathological, closeted behavior and all kinds of other social evils. As Jesus would put it, "a bad tree doesn't bear bad fruit." NO GOOD has come from the homophobia in the black church--NONE. It's time to uproot this bad tree and its bad fruit for good.

Brian QTD

Actually that last quote should be "a good tree doesn't bear BAD fruit." LOL, what a typo!

Laverne

Ohmygoodness. Some of these black gay men sound positively "un"grateful and "un"Christian!

I belong to a Missionary Baptist Church on Chicago's South Side (don't worry which one, but it is well known!) and there are many black gay men at my church and many other churches I visit. The choir are full of them and the organist and choir director at my church is probably gay. We allow them to serve in the choir and Praise Team as long as they don't you know ... flaunt there sexual preference. What more do you want? Do you want our black churches to be like some of those white churches and just let ANYBODY in!

I wish Brother Tonex the best as he tried to navigate these waters. Some of us suspected that Brother Tonex was one of them. But please do NOT disparage the name of Rev. Donnie McClurkin! Donnie has confessed that he USED to give in to temptation but no longer! Donnie McClurkin is a "Mr" and not a "Miss"! Name calling is NOT Christian! "Whoever spreads slander is a fool" Proverbs 10:18b

Jim

...your prayers are an abomination.

You need to publish, Brian QTD.

As for you, Laverne, your post is such a caricature of foolishness, it is hard for me to believe you are not just some gay man on here trying to bait us.

Kevin Perez

Laverne:

Another self-rightous Black woman coming to a LGBT blog to put us in "our place". Don't like what some of us have to say? Then again, I'd advice you to get the f*ck outta here! WE have nothing to be grateful for, especially from straight Blacks and the pathetic institution that is the Black church! A self-righteous c*nt like yourself has no business talking about being Un-Christian with a post like that.

Where the hell do these women come from? We don't flaunt are sexual preference anymore than your baby daddies and heterosexual Blacks do so. The Black church ain't nothing special, hun. It was back in the 50s and 60s and now it's a money-grubbing institution filled with the most awful, hypocritical, self-righteous religious bigots who have such primitive and backward view of how we define human sexuality and have selective morality. Massa must be proud! The Black church does let anybody in, sweetie. There's nothing special about it. LGBT are just your scapegoat so nobody can talk about the real issues and problems of today and more importantly feed self-hatred to LGBT Blacks so they won't call out on the BS of homophobic Blacks. Don't forget the sexual immorality of straight Blacks and ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN that is ignored.

LMAO! Name calling isn't Christian but bigotry and violence against LGBT is? Damning them every Sunday and laughing and smiling about it? I'll see you in Hell, Laverne!

James D.

What is most important is that we concentrate making our spiritual relationship with God, paramount in our lives. The late James Cleveland, as with Donald Lawrence, Ricky Dillard, Dr. Bobby Jones, Kurt Carr, Richard Smallwood, and the list goes on, were/are men of God, which are magnificently anointed Levites of Praise and Worship. The music these men have scripted continues to influence and shape our minds and hearts; and provides us with spiritual nourishment as we all attempt to live this called "Life”, through music and song. It takes real men to stand in the face of adversity; declare and hold fast to living his truth, as he knows it to be. The Black Church needs a severe wake up call knowing that who we are attracted to do not make us bad men, nor does it determine whom we are. For the pastors and other dl men whom we know collectively condemn homosexuality in the pulpit or in their speeches by day, but cannot wait to sing into the various microphones or throw their legs up for other gay men of color by night, we need to continue to pray for them unconditionally. We know they are miserable, living under the veils of lies and deceit, and we know that it is impossible to build anything of substance on quicksand. We all know that nothing done in the dark does not eventually come to the light, and once they free their minds of the loathing self hatred, the misery they feel should eventually dissipate and the healing can eventually begin. We all want to live a life of love, peace, and happiness in abundance, as we are entitled to have. Congratulations to Tonex for perhaps having helped another brother come to grips with himself having the strength and courage to know that the integrity of a man is far more important then the energy displaced by all of the dl men who willingly participate in façade maintenance. DL men who continue their Academy Award performance based lives of cowardice should take heed to the example set by Tonex. When the covers come off unexpectedly forcing them out the closet, their whole world comes crashing down around them, only having themselves to blame. It is only a matter of time before it happens, trust and believe.

kayman

U Street, brother. This is coming from somebody that honestly doesn't care what you do or who you do what with. However, please believe this, you aren't as unclockable as you think you are...

Anybody that really knows you probably have already gotten the memo, but they rather let you confirm it for them.

That is all.

NOW ON TO THE POST: It's good to see a man very active in the church community is being honest with himself. He didn't have to say the phrase to get the meaning across because he may just be bisexual, sexually fluid, polysexual, or pansexual. We can't judge what his actual sexuality is because all he confirmed is that he is an same-gender loving (SGL) individual.

However, I doubt his confirmation of sexuality will change anything involved with the socially conservatism involving sexuality in the black religious community. It just reaffirms why I'm a spiritual individual with a close personal relationship with God.

Ravenback

I agree with Kevin Perez 100%. Where do these gay hating "women" come from. I don't want or need your sympathy because I'm gay. I don't seek out your kindness and generosity because I'm gay. And I don't need your approval just because I'm gay. And the condescending attitude that Laverne gives off is insulting. You let us participate in the church. Get real.

But this is what these DL gay men need to wake up to. They are being tolerated in the church. Don't you want more out of your life than to be tolerated? I can't tell you how much peace and tranquility I have in my life by not relying on the good graces of others. I wish DL men could experience the joy that I have in life even when faced with personal tragedies. You are often treated the way you allow others to treat you. Maybe coming out of the closet can be a difficult journey, but in the long run you will be the better for it. I have often found that when you put people in their place regarding your personal life, they tend to be very quick studies. Once they understand their boundaries, they have no choice but to act right or else. It's like house breaking a dog. I've had several of them and never had any problems.

Mel Smith

Leverne's quote on gays:

"We allow them to serve in the choir and Praise Team as long as they don't you know ... flaunt there sexual preference. What more do you want? Do you want our black churches to be like some of those white churches and just let ANYBODY in!"


Now, brothers and sisters, isn't this language similar to how white people spoke about blacks during the 1950s?

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