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03 January 2011

Comments

Mel Smith

Great story. God bless Dyson and his family.

Isis

Lets be real! No matter how loved and accepted you are, there will still be things that your parents will not be able to protect you from. If I were his Mother I would do anything I could to lighten the blow of LIFE. There are only a few things parents can actually control when it comes to their children and Dyson's mother could have controlled this. She could have written her book and the published it and not have had him on TV like this. Having him on TV gives people an extra tool to use against him later in life. Should he choose not to dress this way in the future, he will not have the option of forgetting. Why fuel the fire? Thats all I'm saying. I'm not saying she should hide him or be ashamed or anything like that.... but National television? I'm sorry I thinks it too much. Notice I didn't say exploitive, but definitely unnecessary.

And again I think its WONDERFUL to allow your child to explore and find themselves. I would do the exact same thing if I had a son who wanted to dress this way, but NOT on National television or blogs and who knows what International outlets have picked this story up. This is the information age and we have to change our way of thinking.

GeeGee

I'm sorry, a male child does not go from infancy to 5 years of age and says to himself..DAM!! I wanna wear a "dress" today from here on out for the rest of my life. The media attention is too much, and the child does not look happy at all. Everybody is applauding the mother on here, what about the child!!!!! I believe that the mother needs psychological help. Fashion and a way of dressing is "socialized" not innate. Maybe she wanted a girl instead of a boy and went from there.

Derrick from Philly

We don't know whether Dyson is trans/gay or straight. He won't know for a while. Some of us have sexual feelings very early--many don't. Some of us have gender role non-comformity to such a great degree that it seems to make our sexual orientation come forward at a very early age (having "crushes" on older boys or men when you are only 6 or 7 years old). But no, we don't know anything about Dyson's sexual orientation ( and neither do any of the anti-gay/anti-trans idiots on straight blogs commenting on this mother's decision).

What I can't help but get from this little boy and his family is how people might deal more positively with gender role non-comforming children.

I always wondered why some feminine males were so strong when dealing with bullying, and others so easily intimidated. I was always in awe of "queens and drag queens" who faught back against vicious bullies, and those that stayed away from drugs and addiction (not like yours truly). A few developed their self-esteem on their own, but many had some family member who very early on told them, " I love you and aint no body in this world got no business beatin' on you."

I understand those who are concerned about putting a "special" child in the national spotlight--that maybe Mrs Kilodavis should appear by herself to tell Dyson's story; but I and others wish we'd had the kind of love she shows for her "special" little boy.

Talarico

Co-sign Soulbrotha, Derrick, Kevin, Jim.

@ GeeGee: "a male child does not go from infancy to 5 years of age and says to himself..DAM!! I wanna wear a "dress" today.... Fashion and a way of dressing is "socialized" not innate. "

Interesting theory. That's exactly what the baptists, catholics, evangelicals, and republicans say about transgenders and gays. Exactly.

I'm assuming you don't have a PhD in child psychology or sociology or have even have taken a class beyond the 100 level. If so, you'd know there are plenty of cases of pre-school children with gender expression and identity. And even many of us have seen (or were) little boys who acted like little girls or preferred dolls over GI Joe. Unless you TELL children that they are supposed to wear a dress or pants, they will gravitate towards what comes natural to them.

Your theory flatly contradicts transgenders, most of whom say they felt that way since birth. Since gender expression is "socialized" not innate, do you also say that about sexuality and sexual orientation? Is that learned, too? Can we just say, "DAM!! I wanna be "heterosexual" today...."

Waiting ...

nahtans

yes to him expressing himself
yes to the love of his parents

no to the exposure at such a young age

there is idealism and then there is reality... I would much rather see him as a well adjusted adult showing us a video of himself as a five year old. I think he will have a very hard time going forward because of the exposure. Children are to be protected in every way.

Isis

@ Derrick from Philly

You are absolutely right! We don't know for sure what his sexual preference is. That is all the more reason to give him the option of growing up and choosing how he wants, or even if, he wants his story told. At 5 years old I simply don't believe he has the capacity to make such decisions. Its too late now though, but it would have been nice for him to have had that option.

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with praying for this young man. Just be sure your reason for doing so is genuine.

Former COGIC

What Talarico said.

Gee Gee, you really want to be very careful when making non-scientific claims about nature vs nurture re sexuality and gender. As a gay man, surely you've heard all your life that you weren't born gay, you 'learned it' or were 'socialized'.

ATL's Not-So-Finest, gurlll, you are just too many things and none of them cute. A mess!

soulbrotha

"If I were his Mother..."

Annnd I think I can stop your comment right there, Isis. You see, that's just it: you AREN'T his mother. And therefore you can only say what YOU would do. And that's fine...for YOU.

But that also means that you have no idea what's going on behind the scenes, how these parents are handling their son or how Dylan feels. And it would be ridiculous to try to deduce those things based upon a facial expression. Not every child responds negatively to notoriety or fame. And notoriety in and of itself does not always lead to negative outcomes. There are many variables, including the character of the child himself. And again, since you are not Dylan or his mother, what good does it do to make snap judgments based on assumptions?

Did you ever stop to think that just maybe, if or when he stops wearing dresses, he will look back on his experience with fondness and gratitude toward his folks for letting him just BE? Or that exposure on, omg, "NATIONAL TELEVISION!!" is not always a bad thing? Or that Dylan might actually HELP many families around the globe if his story is shown, gulp!, INTERNATIONALLY!, without any negative fallout whatsoever?

Yes, his mother could have handled this a variety of different ways, but in the end she handled it HER way, just like you would have "if you were his mother." And until it is evident that her choices were proven to be bad ones, I think she should be trusted to know what's right for her own child.

Diva1961

I think this is great!! I love how his family is surrounding him with love and acceptance. This is no different from the child that wants to wear rain boots to school every day or something else. People are saying how it's over for the child now that he's been on national tv. PULEESEEE!!!We are so fickle as a viewing audience we will forget him in 2 months.

Yes, he image will be available, however his life is not over. If someone pulls up his image when he is 20 and he ends up being straight and someone says something negatively, I think he will have the fortitude to say the videos show how much he is loved by his parents. Enough to let him explore being a child. I wish I had that. Most queens I know wish that also. He will have to go through the same crap we all go through as people of color, and if he ends up being gay, he will go through the same gay crap. A tutu will not be a hinderance since most kids are killing themselves by the bucket without having been on national tv, nor as being know as princess boy. What was their reason?

Knowing your family loves you no matter who you are is what gives you the strength to put the rope down, or the pill bottle, or whatever form taking your own life looks like. Having a base or haven is what gives you the ability to fight back, be it through fists or the law. Knowing you didn't have to fight your parents when you got home after fighting the kids/teachers/administrators at school all day gives one validation to move forward.

So don't cry for him. He's doing what makes himself happy. Some people didn't listen to the whole interview. The mother/parents tried to make him wear only boy clothes. They also told him about the problems that could arise by him wearing girls clothes, during their family meetings. Also, he started wanting wear girls clothing around 3 years of age. It didn't just happen at age 5. When he decides he doesn't want to wear them anymore, he'll stop and the parents will just be like "Okay." There are things we dod at 5 and such that we don't do our entire lifetime. It's okay. Let the child be.

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1604130670

Bravo! to young Dyson for his courage and God bless his parents for their Guiedance and unconditional love and support given to their child. It is such a joy to see through a 5yo eyes that he is a princess and what that means to him is just that. If the world is an ugly place then the grown ups made it that way with their own personal "stuff". We often tell children to "be who you are", then when they do, there's a big "but" behind that. hmmm! Are we as adults standing in our own truth in this crazy mixed up world? Out of the mouths of babes comes his reality, in a pink dress. I love it. I think the parents handled this in a very dignified couragous and loving manner with the guidence from child psychologist and most of all listening to their children.
I wish them all well.

Isis

@Soulbrotha

Can you tell me WHOLEHEARTEDLY that my concern is COMPLETELY displaced?

I don't think you can.

You talk about the variables and I agree, but guess what.... it can go BOTH ways. In todays climate I think my concerns are MORE than valid.

I totally get what you are saying and I of course hope that Dyson DOES become a strong man. I'm praying for him and ALL the LGBT kids I have come to know over the years. But I don't apologize for my comments, because they are GENUINE.

(And I know you didn't ask me to apologize either)


Jim

@ Isis: Soulbrotha cannot guarantee you anything. Nor can anyone else, and not just about Dyson. Nothing can be guaranteed about any child.

As far as I know, no one gets a Ph.D. in parenting before they have a kid. As far as I know, there is no such thing as a Ph.D. in parenting, and that’s because too much is unknowable. There are too many possibilities. All you can do is make the best judgments you can.

So might Dyson end up screwed up? Sure. Are his parents doing the best they can? I have no reason not to think so.

@ Carlos Carter: Your remarks made me think how Dyson has already chosen beauty in his short life. It would be nice if more adults chose beauty, instead of all the pitiful substitutes.

RW

Isis, I never said that your concern was "COMPLETELY displaced." What I said was that your concern is based on assumptions. And your assumptions were made with very little information about this family. You speak as if Dyson's parents have never considered the possible dangers. All indications seem to indicate that they have it under control.

Yes, it can go both ways. But so far, it's only gone one way. So instead of being alarmed over negative suppositions, let's rejoice in the positive truths.

@Jim - Thank you.

Isis

@Soulbrotha

My concern is based on my feelings after hearing about child after child killing themselves do to bullying. As of late there have been many stories about this in news. Probably more than ever before. This is where I am coming from. These are REAL statistics, not supposition. Why give people a potential weapon to use against him in the future? If this was a couple decades ago, we wouldn't have to worry about the internet and things of that nature, but this 2011.

I think his parents are wonderful, but that doesn't mean I can't take issue with ONE THING! That really is what it comes down to... ONE THING! Its a choice I would not make and I'm offering my own personal commentary, just like everyone else. We disagree on ONE THING! LOL! I don't think either of us is gonna change our mind, so we can just move on. But let me be clear... I TOTALLY get what you are saying and RESPECT it.

Thats ALL I am saying. Its not negative supposition. Its genuine concern. I do rejoice in this young man... HE IS BEAUTIFUL! I hope and pray he has a bright future and everything he deserves.

GeeGee

@Talarico

Do not insult me, I am simply expressing an opinion. If you have ever taken a sociology/psychology course in child development over the 100 level, you would note the many case studies done on socialization of sexuality and gender identification. As well as other theories to disprove it. In this case, my sentiments are aforementioned and I do not have the time to indulge you by repeating them.

@Former COGIC,

thanks for responding to my "opinion" with some Class. I appreciate it...

P.S. I can never recall wanting to play with Barbie instead of GI Joe. And I am a proud black educated gay man...

Carlos

I can never recall wanting to play with Barbie instead of GI Joe. And I am a proud black educated gay man...

Okay. But it's not about you, it's about that adorable little boy.

Just because you never had the desire to play with Barbies or wear a dress (I never did either), doesn't negate others' experience. He might grow out of the desire, he might become straight, he might become gay, he might become trans.

And I really think you're on a slippery slope trying to argue nature vs nurture. That's the main religious and 'social' argument against LGBTs. And people don't wake up one day and say, I hate gays. They have to be taught that, too. Just my thoughts ...

islezeus

Rupaul has found her ingenue

nahtans

We do not need to martyr this boy... let him live.

Nubian_Reborn

Don't know much about transgenderism but I suspect one's gender Identity is formed in the womb. I do know that at 3 I wanted to wear girls clothing. Sometimes my mother indulged my sometimes she didn't. I certainly couldn't help being an effeminate boy. At 4 I would kiss the boys and I would be called sissy by the same ones I kissed.. at 6 I was called Fag at 8 Gay boy or Gay Lord. No amount of forcing me to butch up and act like a boy was going to change who I was but I had to come to terms with my masculinity and my sexuality in my own time and in my own way. God knows how much pain could have been avoided if I had an environment that embraced me just as I am. 2 suicide attempts before 20 I am still here. Obviously what ever the Creator has put here on this earth is Good, Good and Very Good ..Perfect Whole and Complete Just as is

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